Thursday, September 21, 2006
One photo brighter?
The light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel may just have gotten one photon brighter. I finally finished essentially removing myself from one more room. For a number of winters, I slept in Erin's old bedroom because my water bed is too cold at in the winter. It is amazing how much of my stuff accumulated in her room. It's nearly all out now, and I've done all I can do of the claiming myself portion of the job.
It's not done. For one thing, we're probably going to take the mattress on the bed. But I can't do that alone and there is nowhere else to put it other than leaving it there until we take it.
I haven't removed anything of Erin's, and haven't vacuumed, washed windows or done any scrubbing or dusting. I'm not doing that at this stage. Right now, I am concentrating on removing myself, mainly those things I need or want in Detroit.
The bad news is: piles of stuff from Erin's room now clutter the living room and hall and need to be dealt with. More bad news is that I have asthma and hay fever from the dust.
The good news is, my stuff isn't in there and I am one step closer, small as it may be, to being finished
It's not done. For one thing, we're probably going to take the mattress on the bed. But I can't do that alone and there is nowhere else to put it other than leaving it there until we take it.
I haven't removed anything of Erin's, and haven't vacuumed, washed windows or done any scrubbing or dusting. I'm not doing that at this stage. Right now, I am concentrating on removing myself, mainly those things I need or want in Detroit.
The bad news is: piles of stuff from Erin's room now clutter the living room and hall and need to be dealt with. More bad news is that I have asthma and hay fever from the dust.
The good news is, my stuff isn't in there and I am one step closer, small as it may be, to being finished
Saturday, September 16, 2006
In Limbo
The wretched problem with Ticketmaster and the Tickets to the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival reminded me how I'm in Limbo. don't live anywhere, I don't have a name, an occupation, and existence I don't live in Detroit or in NY. The people in Detroit thingk I'm still in NY and the people in NY think I'm in Detroit. I'm not really a writer or a poet or a photographer or a writer or a scientist or an educator, I'm not even a proper wife or mother. I'm not sleeping but I'm not properly awake. I can't go backpacking and I can't sing. And I'm too tired to explain why.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
one more box UN
one more box UNloaded. A big one. I filled two bags of garbage and one jam-packed bag of recycling. And made the mess of sort piles in the living room even bigger.
MY whole day so far is sorting two large boxes. I haven't walked yet. My day and my life these days.
MY whole day so far is sorting two large boxes. I haven't walked yet. My day and my life these days.
Till Death do us Part I
Till Death do us Part IIa, by Mary Stebbins Taitt, click image to view larger. For all the men who murder their wives and girlfriends or other women. And for Vera House.
small steps
My accomplishment for the day so far is to sort one very large box of stuff.
Before the appraiser came, I had cleaned and vacuumed the livingroom, but the sorting process has created piled of stuff and a huge mess again. I did throw away a lot and recycle a lot, but there are other things that are going elsewhere, sitting in piles waiting for me to deal with them.
Before the appraiser came, I had cleaned and vacuumed the livingroom, but the sorting process has created piled of stuff and a huge mess again. I did throw away a lot and recycle a lot, but there are other things that are going elsewhere, sitting in piles waiting for me to deal with them.
Says you! and "the Lion's Share"
I thought I'd missed Says You, but I hadn't! YAY! (Sad to miss wait wait!) It was very funny, as usual. It was a rerun, and I'd heard it before, but it was still funny. It was in Vermont. I remembered the thing about the word "livid" as in livid with rage--it does not mean red or purple, but rather grey and pale. Also, the Lion's share does not really mean the larger portion, but all of it! It comes from an Aesop's fable where the lion talks all the jungle creatures into doing the work and then he takes all the profit because 1) he's the king, 2)he organized the event and 3)who dares to try and take any. The moral of the story is, you can share in the work of the rich but you won't share in the spoils. More "proof" that the rich are bad.
At the museum where I worked, most of the people on the board of directors were rich, but they thought it was OK to pay us poverty wages. I was going to say, "I will never forgive them for that." but I probably should, for my own sake, not theirs. They don't know that I hate them for it. They aren't suffering from my unhappiness with them, I am. Hmmm.
I wish like Amy Tan and Kim Edwards I could somehow humanize them, but I see them as monsters. Like David Henry, they made a wrong choice and their wrong choice had a negative effect on my life and the lives of my children and long-range bad effects hat are being felt now in the house situation. But they did it probably to "save the museum." I think it was a bad chocie and that the museum would be a better place if they paid better wages. They could hire better help and people paid farly will work better and be more faithful to the organization. At least I think so. Their miserliness hurt not only me and mine, but them as well. Or the museum anyway, probably not them. I haven't forgiven them yet, but I suppose I should try.
At the museum where I worked, most of the people on the board of directors were rich, but they thought it was OK to pay us poverty wages. I was going to say, "I will never forgive them for that." but I probably should, for my own sake, not theirs. They don't know that I hate them for it. They aren't suffering from my unhappiness with them, I am. Hmmm.
I wish like Amy Tan and Kim Edwards I could somehow humanize them, but I see them as monsters. Like David Henry, they made a wrong choice and their wrong choice had a negative effect on my life and the lives of my children and long-range bad effects hat are being felt now in the house situation. But they did it probably to "save the museum." I think it was a bad chocie and that the museum would be a better place if they paid better wages. They could hire better help and people paid farly will work better and be more faithful to the organization. At least I think so. Their miserliness hurt not only me and mine, but them as well. Or the museum anyway, probably not them. I haven't forgiven them yet, but I suppose I should try.
cpap mask and another comment on sleeping late
My CPAP mask fell apart last night and again this morning, luckily both times when I was already awake. It's horrible when it falls apart in the middle of the nght because it is such a hassle to reassemble it that I get all wakened up..
Another problem with sleeping late is that I miss my favorite NPR programs because my schedule gets pushed forward, I missed both wait wait don't tell me and Says You , not becasue I was sleeping, but because my schedule was off.
Another problem with sleeping late is that I miss my favorite NPR programs because my schedule gets pushed forward, I missed both wait wait don't tell me and Says You , not becasue I was sleeping, but because my schedule was off.
small note, sleeping late, small dream, swollen feet
Sleeping Late
I rarely sleep late. In fact, I rarely sleep (LOL!) But I slept late this morning, though I did wake often and drift away again. I slept much later than I "ever" do, until after 10:15. The night before last, I had terrible insomnia. I was awake until after 2:30, woke often, and then woke early and couldn't sleep. I was worried about the mortgage being refused by the bank due to the bad appraisal. I think last night I was making up for the loss the night before. The problem is, when I lay awake in bed, I am not accomplishing anything, and then, if I sleep late, I'm taking away from my work time. But I don't know how to sleep at night when I am having insomnia and if I don't sleep when I have the opportunity, I'm tired all the time and can't do as much. I hope this doesn't disturb my sleep patterns even more by making me not tired or sleepy at bedtime.
Small Dream
I had a lot of dreams last night. At the moment, I'm not remembering most of them, though some are hovering around the edges. I do remember one small hynogogic dream where I was reaching into a basket of Indian (Native American) jewelry to pick up a beaded ring. What was so amazing to me is the texture of the ring. I could feel the round beads and wirey, resistant texture so clearly and startlingly that I woke up. I could still clearly feel it, so I rubbed my fingers together, but there was nothing there that might simulate the sensation. My hand was empty.
Swollen Feet
After days, maybe weeks of being boney and "thin," yesterday my feet were swollen, and they are swollen again today. I don't know what causes this and it worries me. I often think it is something I ate bad, but I don't know what. Too much salt? Too much fat? Too much cholesterol? Or something else entirely? I am concerned about my weight and I wish I could turn it around and lose weight instead of gaining.
I rarely sleep late. In fact, I rarely sleep (LOL!) But I slept late this morning, though I did wake often and drift away again. I slept much later than I "ever" do, until after 10:15. The night before last, I had terrible insomnia. I was awake until after 2:30, woke often, and then woke early and couldn't sleep. I was worried about the mortgage being refused by the bank due to the bad appraisal. I think last night I was making up for the loss the night before. The problem is, when I lay awake in bed, I am not accomplishing anything, and then, if I sleep late, I'm taking away from my work time. But I don't know how to sleep at night when I am having insomnia and if I don't sleep when I have the opportunity, I'm tired all the time and can't do as much. I hope this doesn't disturb my sleep patterns even more by making me not tired or sleepy at bedtime.
Small Dream
I had a lot of dreams last night. At the moment, I'm not remembering most of them, though some are hovering around the edges. I do remember one small hynogogic dream where I was reaching into a basket of Indian (Native American) jewelry to pick up a beaded ring. What was so amazing to me is the texture of the ring. I could feel the round beads and wirey, resistant texture so clearly and startlingly that I woke up. I could still clearly feel it, so I rubbed my fingers together, but there was nothing there that might simulate the sensation. My hand was empty.
Swollen Feet
After days, maybe weeks of being boney and "thin," yesterday my feet were swollen, and they are swollen again today. I don't know what causes this and it worries me. I often think it is something I ate bad, but I don't know what. Too much salt? Too much fat? Too much cholesterol? Or something else entirely? I am concerned about my weight and I wish I could turn it around and lose weight instead of gaining.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Listening in the Forest
Listening in the Forest, by Mary Stebbins Taitt, click image to view larger.
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