Wednesday, September 21, 1994

Wednesday 9/21/94 Brainard Lake, Colorado, Snowing

I am feeling sick. Everything hurts. My allergies are really bothering me. It's been snowing and blowing and my nose is running. The sickness is keeping me awake at night which increases my tiredness. What I would really like to do is sleep until I feel better, but I can't sleep because of my allergies.

I wanted to move on, but I may stay here by default because I feel too tired, sick and low energy to do anything. I don't even want to hike up to Blue Lake, I just want to sleep. I can't fathom the energy it would take to take down the tent and pack it in the car.

Out the front window of my car are massive spectacular mountains. Out the back window, a man about my age or a little younger is throwing a stick for a dog. He is wearing a ski sweater and hat and is relatively attractive. The sun is shining through red and orange heather and the long red feathers on the dog's tail, creating a potential prize photo, but I sit here in a tired sick lump and make no attempt to capture it. Instead I think about being a woman alone without a man, about men in my life who threw sticks for dogs and are now gone.

The sky is partly cloudy, snow is falling and a brilliant sun is also shining and melting the edges of the snow patches on the mountains. It is window and cold and my hands are still thawing from when I was out.I lay about, half sleeping, dozing, thrashing, hurting, a dull headache at my temples. I have absolutely no energy (or so little as to be unavailable). I don't want to move at all. I don't even feel like reading. I just want to go back to sleep.

Last night, I got up at 1:19 AM. I was quite light out even though it was overcast. I could clearly see the mountains. I thought it was morning and that my watch had stopped. I fiddled with the watch and finally realized that it really was the wee hours of morning. I went back to bed.

There's an old saying that in order to get energy, you have to expend energy, but what if you have no energy to expend?What a vacation. I drove three days across the whole US to be here in these mountains and I am too sick to do anything. I paid for gas and am paying for this campsite, and I can't move. I don't even want to write about it; it seems like waste of time and besides, it takes more energy that I have at the moment. AK! Wahn! Posted by Picasa

No comments:


Blog Widget by LinkWithin