Wednesday, April 29, 2009

PB Skips School Again

PB Skips School Again

I drove PB to school because it was raining and he had to bring his sports jacket, tie and a nice shirt.  But I thought that was for after school and he did not enlighten me.

Shortly after three, I called JG, J's Dad, to find out if J had given him PB's paperwork for Blue Lake--they have to send it in together if they want to room together.  J picked up the phone too and asked in an agitated voice if PB was there.  Both of them should still have been in school.  J said they had a half day when I asked why HE wasn't in school.  He said he thought PB was at S's but S wasn't picking up.  I was already annoyed, because PB hadn't mentioned a half day and why had I driven him with his fancy clothes then if there was no rehearsal--then J said, PB was not at rehearsal.  So I was thinking that during the half day, there'd been a rehearsal.  THEN J said they were leaving in 15 minutes for rehearsal and couldn't find PB.  PB carpools with J and they drive there (to North, 15 minutes away, so half hour round trip not counting the waiting).  So I called S's and S answered and I asked for PB and I heard S whispering to PB, "It's Mary, do you want to talk to her?" He did and I asked why he skipped rehearsal and he said because he didn't have his black pants.  Where were they?  At North.  I told him the Js were looking for him and he said he'd call them. 

I looked at the calendars and there was no scheduled half day.  EB, the choir teacher, arranged for the kids to miss their other classes for a big Dolly rehearsal yesterday afternoon. Which means that the rehearsal was a required school activity--choir is a SCHOOL class, not an after school class.  Which means that PB was playing hooky, which is illegal, of course.  He just took off and didn't bother going to his academic classes or choir. Whether he'll get caught or get in trouble is yet to be seen.  But he gets graded in choir and that grade gets averaged in and E has said that absences to required practices are zeros.  (Also, my driving him was wasted).  BB was annoyed also because PB had taken HIS sports jacket, tie and shirt--without permission, and had NOT brought them home again and where were they--shoved in his locker?  Then I was worried that he might not go to the second rehearsal for fear of reprisals.  But BB said he would and he did.

He's been having required rehearsals 3:45-9:30 and sometimes 10 every night and on on Saturdays and Sundays!  No other life.  Including academic!  Or sports.  He went out for track three years in a row (and did very well), but this year could  not because of Dolly.  His grades are suffering terribly.  As is his piano.  He didn't practice at all last week or yet this week. I'm worried and upset--it's $25/week for lessons and he was doing so well and is now doing nothing and the recital is coming up.

Not only that, but BB has said that he is going to wash his hands of it all and let PB sink or swim on his own.  I am furious with him (both of them)(bother them!)  PB is still a child and need guidance and discipline; you can't abdicate your parental responsibilities.  It's hard for me as the step mother to exert much control.  I'm in a difficult position.  I'm confused what to do--now I am trying to get TWO of them back in line with no support.  I'm pretty upset about it all.



I had a really bad night last night.  The worst in some time.  I keep trying to figure out what triggers that bad nights, in hopes of altering the trigger so I don't have them.  Possible reasons for bad night:  Okra?  LATE walk?  wine? (I had one swallow, plus what I'd had in the gumbo--but I've done that before without that same consequence), late night emailing before bed?  Feeling worried and overwhelmed?  Trouble with poem I am working on?  Talking with Brian Powers?  Being upset with PB re; skipping school?  Or?  WHAT?  I had brain fog yesterday for a while, and felt quite depressed (after the incident with PB skipping school.)

Poop Samples, icky

Poop Samples, icky

I've been having a series of tests:

  • bone density
  • MRI
  • mammograms (several sets)
  • ultra sounds of breast
  • breast biopsy
  • urinalysis
  • sleep study
  • etc etc etc one thing after another.  AK!

But now I am having a poop test.  They gave me a card with three windows and each window has two slides and, after a special diet (eg no beef or citrus) and not taking certain pills (eg aspirin and vit C), every day for three days, I have to save a poop and smear the poop from two different spots onto the two slides.  It's icky smelly work. I have one more day to go and am NOT looking forward to it.  UGH!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

No Escape

No Escape, by Mary Stebbins Taitt. Abuse is hell.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Report on Biopsy Procedure

Report on Biopsy Procedure

I am back from my biopsy.  I am feeling light-headed (slightly) and a little out of it.  Not exactly well, but nothing bad I can put my finger on.  A slight pressure in my head, tiredness.

Here's what happened:

I went to the ultrasound desk at Beaumont hospital, checked in.  The receptionist had my name and put a wrist band on.  I hadn't had a wristband for the mammograms or ultrasounds, so immediately I knew this would be a little more invasive."  (Of course, I already knew that, e en though it's my first in situo biopsy.)  I waited past my appointment time and was just starting to antsy (15-20 minutes later) when a woman called my name.  She was Nancy, the person to whom I'd spoken in the phone, the one who had made the arrangements.  She took me to the ultrasound room--looked like the same room where I'd had my previous ultrasound and had me strip down and put on a gown with the opening in the front and sit on the ultrasound bed while she checked my wrist band and ask me questions--the SAME questions she'd asked on the phone and I already answered--while she filled out forms.  She asked my name, date of birth, why I was there.  Checked my wristband.

Then another lady came in.  These were NOT the same women who gave me my previous ultrasounds.  (So maybe it was a different room?)  Nancy is blond and tall and middle-aged (younger than me, maybe 50?) and the second woman had an accent.  At first it was very noticeable, but after a little while, I didn't notice it at all any more.  She asked my name, date of birth, and why I was there and checked my wrist band,  She was short and dressed in dark blue scrubs--the first one, Nancy was in pale blue scrubs.  L2 was the ultrasound lady and she looked with the ultrasound for the lump they were going to biopsy.  They had the images from last time on the light box and I had looked at them to see what lump looked like (I'd been studying lumps on-line to see what I could learn about them).  I had wanted to take a picture of the lump with the little camera I'd had in my pocket, but by the time I got dressed, I'd forgotten and just wanted to go home.  DARN!

After she found the lump--and I could see it on the screen--she went out looking for the doctor, who came in and identified himself.  Meanwhile, Nancy had hooked me up to a blood-pressure monitor and heartbeat monitor.  My blood pressure was really good (even though I was a little nervous--eek)--and my pulse was also really good. 

The doctor, who was Italian and must have thought I was, too, because he kept talking to me in Italian--(and I am but I was too nervous to even pretend I understood--although I did understand a little, scrubbed my breast with turquoise stuff--antiseptic and then told me to turn my head to the side and he sprayed me with numbing pray which did not smell very good--kind of what one might expect.  He asked me my name, date of birth, why I was here.  And checked my wristband.  Then he said, "bee sting." and explained that he was going to give me shot to numb the breast tissue.  He actually gave me several.  I could feel it--it was milder than a bee stig--it hurt, but less than a shot normally does--like a little prick as opposed to a big one.

Then he got out the biopsy device.  It looks a bit like a large needle, only much more complex.  It has a gun-like trigger and parts--metal tubes--that fit inside the needle-like part.  I was feeling slightly queasy and fearful--I was afraid it would really hurt--the thing was HUGE--literally like 10-12 inches long!  EEK!  It was a scary-looking tool.  I could see him inserting it on the monitor--and I could feel a sense of pressure and a hint of pain and also something deeper--like pain I couldn't feel--don't know how to explain it--it didn't really hurt.  It hurt a little, but very little, less than my normal fibromyalgia pain.  But it was still upsetting--dunno how to explain it--I remained very calm externally, but inside I was getting a little dissociated.  After he'd gone in 3-4 times with this device, he said, "almost done."  Then went in twice more.  Each time, I expected it to start hurting worse, in part because of my previous bad experience with anesthesia.  Usually, they don't give me enough and then proceed to hurt me.  But in this case, there was never any real conscious pain, just that sense of pain I couldn't feel that was making me queasy.  Also the sight of that gian needle entering my breast on the monitor--pushing its way through the tissue--I could see the tissue giving and tearing a little as the needle went through it.

When he said he was done, I asked if I could see the samples and he handed me test tube with little bits of my body in it, swirling around--because he kept shaking it--like little eels or snakes.  They were maybe a 16th of an inch wide and half an inch long and curly.  I hope he got some of the right part.  Some of the lump.

I'm still feeling slightly out of it, slightly headachey, slightly queasy.  And tired.  I just want to lie down.  I have an ice pack Ia m supposed to keep on my breast ten minutes on and ten off, and I am supposed to wear a bra to bed and do no heavy lifting etc.

I am sure I'll be fine soon.  It really wasn't that big a deal.

Now I have to wait 3-7 days for the results of the biopsy.


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