Agitated and Cranky

Well, I needn't have worried about feeling well for the first time in years--I am back to feeling agitated and cranky and horrid and insomniac again today.

"Misery"

OK, it is "just" a cold, but I am miserable.  I feel utterly rotten, my eyes are burning, I'm all bundled up because I'm cold, my nose is both stuffed up and running at the same time.  I am exhausted but I can't sleep because I can't breathe.  Sigh.

A not-so-funny comedy of errors

I just had a little comedy of errors that wasn't funny at the time but seems a little funny now. :-(

I was in the middle of ordering some shirts for my husband that he needs anyway (but I thought would be nice under the tree--a little extra to open), but right at a crucial point in the order, the phone rang. And remember that box I was sorting? I had emptied it out and it was sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to be carried down. It was now full of trash and dirt. And mung beans, loose.

We had gone to purchase Christmas gifts for one of the grandchildren and my daughter-in-law just called to ask what we'd gotten and to tell me she might have gotten the same thing. Running down to check so I could let her know, I bumped the box of trash which tumbled over and over down the stairs spewing dirt and trash everywhere--the PHONE also tumbled down the stairs! The one I was talking on--and I still have to clean up the mess. Meanwhile, the order went dormant because it times out and I had to start all over with it and my husband is due home any minute so I had to leave the trash and dirt and go back and start over with the order. The gift IS the same, so one of us has to return it--I was angry and told her she should return it since we got ours two weeks ago! I was angry because of all the other things that went wrong and meanwhile I am missing my lunch!

INSOMNIA!

Why is it that the night before I start out on a long trip and need to be alert to drive, I cannot sleep--this happens so often! It's 2:15 AM and I have yet to sleep a wink.

Questions on Family Policy

Piano Boy Sings at That's Entertainment

Family-Policy Issue Questions

Question #1

This morning at 7:40, the phone rang. I did not get it. I felt that
anyone calling at that hour didn't deserve to talk to a real person
and it was probably just one of Piano Boy's friends.

But it rang again and I worried it might be an emergency or the school
calling or you needing soemthing so I picked it up. It was Piano Boy.
He wanted me to bring him his lanyard so he wouldn't have in-school
separation. I was very angry because he forgot it yesterday, also.
When he came home yesterday, he showed me that he had three of them.

I told him I would do it this once, but I would not do it again, that
it was HIS responsibility to remember it. This is what I thought BB
had said.

BUT I couldn't find it. Since he'd called me, I thought he might have
his cell phone and tried to call to ask, but if he did have it, it was
turned off. So no info from him. It took me a LONG TIME to find it.
It was under stuff in his room, of course, ON THE FLOOR.

Then the traffic was terrible, especially around the school. It took
me a LONG time to get to where Piano Boy was waiting.

By the time I got there, I was really furious at him.

I asked him couldn't he keep some of the extras in his locker in case
he forgot. He said, "sure." the way he does, just to shut me up.

He did not give me 50 cents for the gas etc. :-( (This is a family
policy trying to teach him about the value of money the cost of gas
etc, after he allowed TWO expensive bicycles to be stolen by not
locking them.)

Question #1. What is the family policy about forgotten lanyards? (I need to know.)

Question #2:

I went to bed furious at Piano Boy and started my new day furious at Piano Boy.

I told him to practice last night and that he was on a 30-day
challenge and he told me Mrs. Lindow would understand that he had
homework. I asked him if he was going to lie to her and tell her he
had homework that kept him from his practicing when in reality, he
dorked around before and after theory and before and after robotics
and the homework took him about 5 minutes--dunno how good a job he
did. I think HOMEWORK and practicing comes BEFORE dorking around and
robotics. I told him that if he could not manage his practicing and
homework he'd have to drop out of robotics. Dunno if BB supports
that.

I heard Mrs. Lindow tell him that if he missed a day he had to start
over. I think he should do an HOUR today in two half hour segments.
Should I call Mrs. Lindow and ask her?

Question #2: What is the family policy regarding homework,
practicing, practicing during the 30-minute challenge, and robotics?

I want to be a good mother. I want to be loving and supportive and
helpful, but without being an enabler. I don't want to encourage him
to think of us as his servants. I don't want to encourage him to lie
in order to not do what he's supposed to do. I'm not sure how to find
the appropriate balance.

mushrooming

I had to perform an onerous chore for BB this AM and it mushroomed
into an "ordeal" (big hassle with permutations.) So I drew this 2" x
2" sketch for him while describing the ordeal that ensued and how it
mushroomed into additional ordeals. (Hassles). It's a tiny sketch and
since he'll probably drop it in the trash, I thought I'd share it with
you, LOL!

various updates (the good, the bad and the ugly!)

• I am unpacking a box.  This is hard to do because the house is so full there is nowhere to put anything.  Unpacking make me sad, for some reason.  (It seems a lot of things makes me sad.)  It's sad unpacking this box because it reminds me of a whole life I sued to have that is gone--my house, my job, my friends, my family.  I have a new life and I like it fairly well, but this doesn't mean I'm not sad about losing the old one, and unpacking these boxes from my old life makes my heart hurt.
• my foot injury is 97.3% better!  YAY!
• my fibro and insomnia are both generally improved, with some relapses and flare-ups.  I still have pain every day, but it is somewhat less severe and frequent generally (with some exceptions).
  
• my neck/pinched nerve and the associated pain is slowly improving by tiny increments with many relapses into severe pain
• I feel like I am not making much progress toward my goals.  I'm not doing much writing or sending stuff out lately.
  
• Sigh.
• it's hot
• I'm lonely for family and friends far away
• We have so far been unable to solve the too much stuff and lack of space dilemma after many various attempts at it.
• I am procrastinating writing this because I hate what I'm doing.
• besides this unpacking and clearing windows, I have a huge list of fairly urgent tasks which is pressing down on my with a horrible weight.  AK! 
  

But

• I did my walking for the day, so I don't have to go out unless I want to.
• I have food for tonight and know what I am making for dinner--YAY!  (I am making GUMBO!)
• I managed to succeed at moving piles of boxes away from one window where BB is going to paint, so that's something anyway.
• I got a couple boxes partly unpacked and may finish one or both or combine them so there is one less box.  That's something, anyway.  Not much, but something.
• I love my husband.
• My son is talented musically, and I derive pleasure from his music.
  
• He's away for the afternoon and I derive some peace and quiet from his temporary absence.  I appreciate and am grateful for the momentary silence.  Not that I want it all the time--a nice balance is good.
• school will start soon and I will have longer periods of freedom--maybe.
  

Bullets of Sadness

I am feeling sad. Or maybe I'm depressed. Or both.

• I am sad that my vacation is over and I am home. I don't really LIKE it here very much.
• I miss my friends.
• I miss my family.
• I miss my children.
• I am afraid I may never see my brothers again.
• I miss my parents. Now that we have buried them, it seems so final.
• I'm not feeling well.
• My pinched nerve is still very painful--I was hoping so much that the pain would subside.
  
• I'm tired.
• I had to walk in the neighborhood instead of somewhere fun.
• (BUT I did see a LOVELY RAINBOW). But I got rained on and it faded before I got home to tell BB about it and show it to him. (The lighting was exquisite--sunset lighting and a brilliant rainbow. A full arc. I had a moment of actual joy when I discovered it.)
• My feet hurt.
• I suffer from Hedonic Adaptation. That means sometimes lovely things begin to fail to cheer after a short time.
• (BUT I DID enjoy seeing my friends and family and visiting the Porcupine mountains earlier! :-D)
• I think I am suffering from a post vacation let down. After a day of rest I'll probably feel better,
• (BB is making dinner because I don't feel well--AND HE drove all the way home 7 hours in hard rain--I should be making dinner for HIM!)
• (I'm grateful he's willing.) (I don't know why I'm so sad.)
  

Still Getting Moved (Attempting to tie up hundreds of loose ends)

Swan on Lake St. Clair, by me

070920, 4:28 PM I am walking down St. Clair Drive toward St. Clair Lake while Graham has his theory lesson. It's pretty warm, maybe 80, the sun is shining from a cloudless sky, a small breeze blows in off the lake, the crickets are singing. Graham slept most of the way in the car. I drove him here, a half hour here, an hour wait, and a half hour home again, because Biker Buddy is at work.

There are sunflowers flowering, but I can't photograph them because they're in someone's yard. Cicadas are singing, not as many or as loud as August, but still here. Squirrels running this way and that with acorns, cars and trucks rumbling by, the stink of exhaust.

At home, I am trying to settle in and complete my move

I spent over an hour today trying to straighten out what's become an ordeal of car registration and insurance. I'd also worked on it yesterday and several other days. I'd received a threatening letter saying that my insurance in NY on my car had been cancelled and that I needed to show proof of insurance within ten days or my license and registration would be suspended.

It said I could do it on-line, but when I tried, I could not. I didn't have on my insurance form the number they required to complete the transaction on-line to I tried calling them yesterday and then again today. I was on hold on a long distance call for almost half an hour before I even got to talk to anyone.

I have to say this: the woman I spoke to was kind, sympathetic, and helpful, but she couldn't help me. New York State requires NYS insurance. My Michigan insurance doesn't qualify. But my New York insurance company does not insure in Michigan.

I need to get the car registered in Michigan (and fast--because the letter says they will suspend the license and registration in ten days.

But in order to register in Michigan, I need my NY state registration and the title to the car. I had the title to the car in hand one of the times I was bringing boxes to Michigan from NY and I placed it at the top of one of those boxes and clearly labeled it, "Contains Title to Car".

Of course, I brought hundreds of other boxes and have not been able to unpack anything because Biker Budduy's house is full of his stuff, Piano Boy's stuff and Past Lady's stuff. There is no room for me.

So the boxes, hundreds of them sit in piles all over the house. Still packed. And Biker Buddy carefully recorded the contents of the first 2/3 of the boxes or more, but we've both read over the lists and can't find the box labeled "Car title." on the list and we can't find the actual box either.

I didn't take care of it right away because Biker Buddy told me, "If you need something, tell me, and I'll find it." Foolishly, I believed him. I looked in all the places I could think of. I didn't want to spend the money for a new title when I KNEW I'd packed the old one. But where? I wanted to keep looking, but time is running out.

So finally, today, I waited well over an hour on the phone altogether ordering a new title. That's done, but I'm not out of the woods yet. When it comes, I still have to get the car registered in Michigan and THEN, I have to call or send NY proof of that registration because if I don't, they'll suspend my NY license and since Michigan reciprocates, I won't be able to drive. So it's not over yet.

At least I'll have a little break from it while I am waiting for the title to arrive.

I had a similar hassle trying to get my Michigan driver's license.

And it's been a huge hassle trying to get my address changed on everything and so far, I am striking out more often than I'm succeeding. I call the number of someplace where I need to change my address and I don't get a real person, I get a menu, and the menu options go on and on and none of them seem right. I spent over an hour on the phone listening to menus and speaking to no one trying to change my address with GM and FAILED. So I have to start over sometime after I recover from the ordeal of it. I HATE automated menus on phones. It's so un-user friendly, so unfriendly and unhelpful.

So, in addition to the car registration, I have to revisit the GM thing and I have a folder with about ten or 15 other places I still need to call. And each one now takes an hour or more. They don't provide you with an address you can simply send an address form to. They don't give you a person you can speak to' you have to fight your way through endless menus and then people look at you like you have three heads when you say you haven't yet managed to get all your addresses changed. But no one volunteers to HELP.

Well one, person did, I won't mention any names. He said he'd call for me to that one place, GM, but he never did. I can't really complain, because there are zillions of things I should be doing but amn't. OH, He says he did call and couldn't find his way through the menus. Sorry.

I know, I know, amn't is not a proper contraction, but why not. I am NOT. Amn't.

Thursday, September 27, 2007 I finally got my title and am waiting in the Secretary of state office for a turn to hopefully get my car registered in Michigan. Then I will have to deregister in NY or I will lose my license. In both places.

I also have to change my Tracfone cell phone so it has a local Michigan # and not a NY number. And close my bank accounts in NY and move them here, did I say that? I can't believe what a continuing ordeal this is.

The name-change thing may be biting me. I had to return something to Adobe (another huge hassle) and I had to fax various things and some had one name (Taitt) and some had the other (Stebbins), so I am waiting to find out if that will turn into an ordeal or not.

Late breaking news: I finally have my plates and registration. They have to be attached and distributed and I have to surrender my NY plates etc, or I'll lose both licenses, but I'm one small step closer. YAY!

September 29, 2007 And I finally sent off the info to NY State to prevent them, hopefully, from suspending my driver's license. And I just activated a new credit card with my correct name and address. This has taken several tries as the first card they sent had my new last name spelled wrong and there were several problems before that. I still have cards with the wrong name and/or address. Lots more still to do.

October 20, 2007, it’s a month from when I started writing about this, and it’s STILL not settled! I got a second notice from NY threatening to suspend my driver’s license because of suspended NY insurance. I’d already sent in the proofs and received a receipt for them, and had to do that all over again. The envelope with the new copies of the proofs is sitting in the door slot waiting for the mailman to take it away. IF it isn’t settled and they revoke my NY driver’s license, I will also lose my Michigan license and will not be able to drive. BUT THEY SENT A RECEIPT! What’s with that? I feel as if I am just treading water and making no progress here, a YEAR after I moved, but actually sinking rather than swimming.

Sometimes I Hate Michigan

Sometimes I Hate Michigan, and Biker Buddy gets all defensive as if I hate him. I don't. I wouldn't be here if I did. But on the other hand, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him, so maybe it is his fault.

The latest thing is Columbus Day. At home in NY, we always got Columbus Day off and it was an annual trip to Maine to visit my brother, ever year, year after year, a tradition. Here, no holiday, no trip, nothing. :-(

He doesn't care and doesn't understand. After all, it's not his traditions that are being lost, along with contact with family and friends. His family is here.

Two good things about Michigan: no tolls on the highways (HATE the NY THRUWAY!) and the taxes are better. NY has the second worst state and local taxes in the nation, only DC is worse. Michigan is #24.

Imsomnia 070814-15

Insomnia 070814-15 (click image to view larger)

When I picture my days and nights, I imagine working hard, accomplishing great things, loving, traveling, writing gardening, doing art, walking running biking visiting and then sleeping the sleep of the justly tired, peaceful happy sleep. I do not imagine sitting all night (literally) in a stupor, too agitated to sleep and too tired to accomplish anything meaningful, and laying about exhausted and sick during the day. Not do I imagine wasting time sitting on the toilet unable to pass anything but having to try and try because I uncomfortable with needing to go. The day dribbles away, wasted by long phone calls from distant relatives, nurses, people wanting to set up appointments. I’m so far behind on things that need attention that I fee like someone treading water and becoming too exhausted and chilled to keep my head up and sinking slowly deeper. The best (and worst) laid plans of mice and men gwyn aft awry or gwyn aft entirely.