Monday, December 21, 2009
I lost ten pounds since the day after thanksgiving. I'm at my lowest weight since 9-5-09. I'm pleased with this (YAY!), though worried I'll gain it all back over the holidays! I don't look thin, you'd probably not even notice, but less is better in this case!!
The photo is from yesterday.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
First, I had dizzy spells and was scared. That was Thursday. Friday, rage. And still, Saturday morning in the wee hours--I haven't tried to go to bed becasue I feel filled with rage and fury, anger, RAGE. I can't sleep when I feel this way. And I feel it for no particular good reason. I read an article that rage can be casued by brain damage, and so can dizziness, so now I am wondering if my brain tumor is causing these feelings. I am frightened by all this!
I made a painting. I don't like the painting, but it represents how I feel. There is anger and also a sense of deep sorrow--about what, I can't say--not even to myself--I mean, I don't KNOW.
Could it be something I'm eating? Am I eating too much meat? (I cooked a turkey--but would that make me dizzy?) Too much sugar? I haven't been having much. :-(
Looking at this picture makes me feel very sad. Also guilty for being so angry.
I feel so wretched and tense (tight around my heart) that I hate being inside my own skin.
Click painting to view larger.
Friday, December 04, 2009
It wasn't as pretty as this, or this much fun! :-(
I was dizzy all day yesterday and it was scary! :-(
I felt somewhat nauseated some of the time, and lurched as if I would fall. Luckily, I did not. Everything I tried to do was difficult.
I worried all day about what it was. Here were some of my thoughts:
- I have a brain tumor in the area where balance is controlled in the brain and the tumor could have grown and be impinging there. The doctor thinks this is unlikely, becasue it would affect me more constantly.
- My doctor (Neurologist, Moudgil) thinks I may be having "Silent Migraines." Huh? If they are silent, then how would you know you had them?
- Vertigo? I have spells of vertigo, but this particular spell was not accompanied by a spinning sensation like the others have been.
- Swine flu? Some other infection or illness?
- Exhaustion: I'm simply not getting enough sleep.
- I even worried I was getting an aneurysm, which seems silly now, but . . .
(The fractal I made with fractalworks, a free download for Macs)
Posted by Mary Stebbins Taitt at 5:25 PM