health report for Thursday May 1, 2014

Fun and Games IIIe (Insomnia)
by me, Mary Stebbins Taitt
digitally altered Photographic composit from my own photos
click to view larger

Health report for Thursday, May 1, 2014:  My fibromyalgia seems to be slowly improving, knock on wood, with ups and downs. Also my itching seems to be improving, knock on wood, generally, with ups and downs.  Yesterday, I walked to Rolandale and back again with a stop at the store, as you know, which was a long stop.  My fibro didn’t bother me much, although I was eager to sit down when we got home, but I was able to put away the groceries first.  However, after dinner, my let hip started hurting, and was getting gradually worse, and I was considering applying Voltaren, but decided to wait.  Then I developed asthma (relatively mild—but enough to disturb my sleep for a while), and I starting feeling itchy.  I had a restless night and have been up three times.  I am up now, of course.  I am all itchy.  At 4:08, I took some Benadryl, but it hasn’t helped yet, and now (5:20, it’s been well over an hour!).  One of the previous times when I got up, my fibro was pretty bad, but that has subsided some.  My neck has really been bothering me, too (arthritis).  A couple days ago, whichever day it was that I felt dizzy (I think the day before yesterday), I took some Niacin and again yesterday. I was not too suspicious of the Niacin, since I’d been taking without a problem (that I was aware of) for so long.  I was suspicious of the shallots for the fibro pain, but here is the thing--I got this whole complex of symptoms which I certainly can’t place at the feet of the shallots, since most of them I’ve had without any shallots!  I suppose the Niacin could be a problem. (?)  The shallots also could be a problem, because they are listed as a possible fibro trigger—there are many.  But would the small amount of shallots I had trigger all those symptoms?  That is, asthma, worsening arthritis, itching etc.?  Here’s the thing:  I can’t think of anything else I ate that’s different—I had a veggie omelet for breakfast with the same bran mix I’ve been having and rotten cabbage, plain dry toast and almonds with bran and cabbage for lunch and you know what I had for dinner.  (Spaghetti, salad, bran, cabbage.)  There was no grazing at VM.  I know K thinks that whatever is causing the problem may be unrelated to what I eat or consume (e.g., meds).  And it may well be, but I am suspicious of foods and meds because I know for a fact that dairy causes asthma and soy causes fibro in me, and I seem to be quite sensitive to many foods and am allergic to a number of meds.

Also, Dr. Ferarra was saying that my sudden bad rash was bilaterally symmetrical and thus internally generated and not caused by contact, but that doesn’t mean the original itching might not be caused or exacerbated by contact (detergents, etc.).  The original itching was not necessarily bilaterally symmetrical (hard to tell, since I couldn’t see I, usually) and the sudden bad rash (SBR) did not follow the same pattern as the original itching.  The SBR is fading and peeling, but it was bothering me in the night (itching).  My eyebrows and head and back and buttocks were also all itchy in the night.

If the cabbage is actually helping me, it is definitely not a protectorate against flare-ups at this point.

I do seem to be feeling, on the average, knock on wood, somewhat better than I had been except for my insomnia, which does not seem to be improving.

I had been thinking about not bothering to see that allergist, since I seemed to be gradually improving, but tonight (last night and this early morning), I do not feel improved.  I was hoping to avoid further trouble, annoyance and expense.  Once you start going to an allergist, it’s a long-term deal, most of the time.

Also, there are the almonds, which I’ve been eating a lot of.  I was worried at one point that nuts were causing a problem for me, but then I was eating them and my fibro was not worsening (but my insomnia was not improving, but it wasn’t visibly worsening either, since it was already bad.)  But they could be causing a problem.

Insomnia and Fibromyalgia

Insomnia and Fibromyalgia

It is 2AM and I am awake and have not slept. I went to bed and lay there wide-awake for an hour. Then I got up and did some art for an hour. Then I went back to bed for an hour and still did not sleep.

When I lay down, I am wide-awake. When I get up, I feel too tired and sleepy to do much.

I took some melatonin and some valerian. It did not help at all. I listened to a meditation tape and I counted breaths. That did not help, either. I lay in my sleeping husband's arms. That felt nice, but it did not make me sleep.
I do not know what to do to sleep, but I do know this: whenever I do not sleep, my fibromyalgia gets much worse. This is a persistent, recurring problem. I've pretty much given up writing about it because I had nothing new to say.

I've read that lack of sleep causes PERMANENT brain damage. I've read that lack of sleep is correlated with dementia and Alzheimer's. But I do not know how to go o sleep.

I go to the sleep doctor and he addresses the sleep apnea, but not the insomnia.

I avoid coffee, tea, chocolate, stimulants and depressants of all kinds. I avoid white sugar and sweeteners and white flour and refined carbs.

Nothing seems to help. I get depressed about it all.

The following is from a .gov site.

The following tips can help improve sleep. This is called sleep hygiene.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, or nicotine before bed. (I avoid these all day every day)

· Don't take daytime naps. (I don't)

· Eat at regular times each day--avoid large meals near bedtime. (I normally eat several hours before bedtime).

· Exercise at least 2 hours before going to bed. (I exercised today between 4:30 and 5:30—well, actually, since it's 2:12 AM, it was yesterday)

· Go to bed at the same time every night. (Going in bed and staying there are not the same thing).

· Keep comfortable sleeping conditions. (How can you be comfortable wearing a stupid CPAP mask and hosing?)

· Remove the anxiety that comes with trying to sleep by reassuring yourself that you will sleep or by distracting yourself. (Yeah, right, how do you not become anxious about sleeping after lying awake hour after hour?)

· Use the bed only for sleep and sex. (What else would I use it for—a trampoline????)

Do something relaxing just before bedtime (such as reading or taking a bath) so that you don't dwell on worrisome issues. Watching TV or using a computer may be stimulating to some people and interfere with their ability to fall asleep.

If you can't fall asleep within 30 minutes, get up and move to another room. Engage in a quiet activity until you feel sleepy.

One method of preventing worries from keeping you awake is to keep a journal before going to bed (I like to keep my journal on the computer, which is apparently verboten!). List all issues that worry you. By this method, you transfer your worries from your thoughts to paper. This leaves your mind quieter and more ready to sleep.

If you follow these recommendations and still have insomnia, your doctor may prescribe medications such as benzodiazepines. (My doctor says sleep meds make it WORSE!)

An Insomnia Journal, March 30, 2011

An Insomnia Journal, March 30, 2011

It’s 1:30 Am and I am awake. I went to bed at 10:30 but was itchy and agitated. I could tell by the way I felt that it was probably going to be an insomniac night, but I tried to sleep anyway.

First I just lay there to see if maybe I would sleep. Then I counted breaths. I’ve never found that particularly useful, but it was recommended in a book I read, so I gave it a try. Then I did some more breath counting exercises--more difficult ones. That didn’t help either. It rarely does.

Meanwhile, I got itchier and itchier. My skin itched.

I lay awake thinking of all the things I could be doing if I were up. Then I worried about how being up would ruin the day for me tomorrow and I lay there some more. Wishing I could just go to sleep. But I didn’t. I got itchier and more agitated.

I felt hungry. I wanted to get up and eat. But I was not hungry. I was having cravings. I had two bad days over the weekend, bad food that is. I ate a lot of soy at the party, and chocolate. The day before, I ate biscottis. And other junk.

I started thinking about food, wondering if it was the food from the weekend, from the salon and Sophia’s birthday party that was giving me insomnia, or something I ate today, or something else entirely. I still feel hungry. I still want to get something to eat. :-( Today, I ate carrots and peppers and extra ww bread. (more than normal). Otherwise, everything I ate was normal. (I think).

I got up and read a little in the book that I want to send to Rachel while the computer was booting up. I wanted to read the note from Ruth the Shaman poet. But it wasn’t that interesting. I am interested in thinking about Shamanism again. When I was in bed, not sleeping, I tried to go on a journey, but the hole in the earth that came to me was a rat-hole--the one last summer’s rats made under the terrace, That may have come from Milo’s rat. Down in the rat hole, there were “good” rats and bad rats, by which I mean friendly and unfriendly rats. I thought about how my judgement of them as good and bad depended on how they reacted to ME. Rats are social animals. Once they get to know you, they are fine (unless rabid). But I didn’t get anywhere beyond this sort of intellectualizing.

I read the rest of chapter 1 of The Hunted, by Gloria Skurzybski and Alane Ferguson. It’s a national park mystery we must have picked up for Graham in Colorado, but I don’t remember reading it and the book is perfect and tight as if it’s never even been opened. I figured I’d read it and send it to Rachel, since I told her I had some books for her and I already sent Judy Moody. I had this one in mind when I said that, as I had been rooting around in Graham’s discards looking for books for the kids and I’d seen it there.

When I was laying in bed, I imagined playing with fractals, doing art, working on my stories, reading, eating, doing some chores, getting the mole ready to mail, etc. But each things takes a while and it turns out that my inbox was full so I wasted some time deleting messages (and more need to be deleted.).

I try to start XAOS fractals multiple times, but I will not start. Maybe it’s expired. WAHN! It’s a great activity for insomniac nights. Oh well.

In order to accomplish something useful, I print 2 copies of the Mike Kline Address labels for mailing the mole. I feel tired, which is common for insomniac night--it’s time to be in bed, not up farting around.

I read chapter 2 of The Hunted. It’s pretty good so far. And, now I read chapter 3. I recorded the books I read yesterday, children’s books for Frankie, in my book list.

I went downstairs and ate almonds and baby carrots. I wanted something healthy, or relatively healthy, that would not exacerbate my cravings. I read through chapter 6 in The Hunted. The plot thickens and gets more interesting. Upstaris again, I read through chapter 8. It’s almost 3 Am and I am really tired. I think I will try going back to bed. Wish me luck.

Colorplay II

Colorplay II, by me (click to view larger.)

The night flowering Milkweed in the midst of migration

I had to put a picture here, I don't like too much text without
photos, I never got past picture books.

This one has two layers of Apohphysis fractals layered into it.

Click to view larger.

From A Memory of Dreams

From A Memory of Dreams I-UBD, by Mary Stebbins Taitt. The Unbearable Darkness version. For jo(e). See IMAGIK version here. The fractal posted below is layered into this art.

mushrooming

I had to perform an onerous chore for BB this AM and it mushroomed
into an "ordeal" (big hassle with permutations.) So I drew this 2" x
2" sketch for him while describing the ordeal that ensued and how it
mushroomed into additional ordeals. (Hassles). It's a tiny sketch and
since he'll probably drop it in the trash, I thought I'd share it with
you, LOL!

Detail from Migration

Detail from my second to latest piece.

Imsomnia 070814-15

Insomnia 070814-15 (click image to view larger)

When I picture my days and nights, I imagine working hard, accomplishing great things, loving, traveling, writing gardening, doing art, walking running biking visiting and then sleeping the sleep of the justly tired, peaceful happy sleep. I do not imagine sitting all night (literally) in a stupor, too agitated to sleep and too tired to accomplish anything meaningful, and laying about exhausted and sick during the day. Not do I imagine wasting time sitting on the toilet unable to pass anything but having to try and try because I uncomfortable with needing to go. The day dribbles away, wasted by long phone calls from distant relatives, nurses, people wanting to set up appointments. I’m so far behind on things that need attention that I fee like someone treading water and becoming too exhausted and chilled to keep my head up and sinking slowly deeper. The best (and worst) laid plans of mice and men gwyn aft awry or gwyn aft entirely.