Sunday, August 31, 2008

slow progress

After being back on the diet/regime yesterday, I lost only 1.7 pounds of the 4 I gained-from one meal and I didn't even have any dessert!  And yesterday I worked so hard--you'd think that would count for something (in addition to more than 45 minutes of biking and walking).

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Starting Over Tomorrow

We got a call from Math-Teacher/limo Driver and Teacher/Flower lady, old good friends we haven't seen in a long while, who wanted to go out to dinner tonight, so we went and I will have to start my diet over tomorrow.  Sigh.  I ate kibbe nyah (raw lamb and cracked wheat), babaganoj (eggplant and tahini) and white pita (too many) and then at their house later, homemade zucchini bread.  I'm unpleasantly stuffed and not looking forward to the stress of starting over--the first few days are the hardest--but on the other hand--friendship is very important.  Very important.  AK!

Friday, August 29, 2008

From A Memory of Dreams

From A Memory of Dreams I-UBD, by Mary Stebbins Taitt. The Unbearable Darkness version. For jo(e). See IMAGIK version here. The fractal posted below is layered into this art.

cosmic creation

This is a fractal flame from Apophisis modified in photoshop (by me).

Diet Report, Friday August 29

8-29-08, Friday, down two pounds!  YAY!  That's the good news!

The rest is not so good.  Below is the "full report," more or less.  I won't send the full report again, at least not for a while!  LOL!

S:  sleep:  after two very good sleep nights for me, probably relatively good for anyone, I slept poorly last night.  After I settled in, I started "dreaming" or having hypnogogics while I was still awake--I was "hallucinating!!!!"  And for no external reason that I know of.  This happens to me from time to time and usually signals a bad night coming.  I lay there awake watching the colors, shapes, people etc like a movie and then they went away and I was wide awake, twitchy, nervous, agitated.  I wanted desperately to get up out of bed, but I forced myself to lie there in hopes that I would relax and sleep--once I get up, I am usually up for a long time and I am definitely not sleeping.  I did eventually sleep, but was very restless, with many awakenings and wakeful periods, much thrashing.  Here are some possible reasons for this bad night event:
  • during the cleansing phase of the macrobiotic diet, toxins and allergens built up and stored in the body are released and symptoms often get worse before they get better.  For this reason, I hope to stick with the diet for the full ten days UNLESS I get really bad and cannot stand the symptoms.
  • I added the dry rice cakes yesterday.  Although they are made of nothing but brown rice and sea salt, there may be something about the processing that causes a problem.  I think I will skip them for the day just in case.  Too bad.  It was a treat to have something with a slightly different taste and texture.
  • I may have some form of diabetes, hypoglycemia or other sugar and starch problem.  I react very badly to sugar.  There may be too much starch in brown rice and I may be having a problem related to my sugar problem.  I have an addictive allergy to sugar and white flour.  This may be the root of my problems, or one of the causes of my many problems.  If the brown rice is a problem, and I was hoping it would not be because I have been able to do this diet successfully in the past and whole grains usually do not react in my body the same way as simple sugars, but if this is the case, then the brown rice diet will not help me solve my allergy issues and I will have to start over with some other food.
  • food, or food alone, may not be the primary cause of my insomnia and other problems.  However, last night I did not have any arguments, I was not angry or sad, I did not exercise any later than I had the previous night, I did not go to bed at a weird time, or any of the other obvious possible causes of insomnia.
A:  allergies:  last night while I was lying in bed unable to sleep, my sinus allergies were really bothering me.  I get this when I have had milk or other dairy products.  It may be a cleansing or maybe I am developing an allergy to brown rice. 
F: fibro:  last night when I couldn't sleep, I was having a fibro flare-up and it was particularly bad in my ankles, which hurt tremendously.  I lay there twitching my ankles back and forth trying to stretch the ligaments to relieve the pain.
T:  toxins:  my feet and ankles are still slightly swollen, but only VERY slightly now.  They've been getting incrementally better every day.

So how are your health and sleep issues?  Aiee!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Morning Report Thursday Aug 28, 2008

YAY! I lost 3 more pounds AND I am feeling a little better as far as my allergies go. Wahoo! My pinched nerve still hurts though. And the fibro in my knees feels bruisy. But this is only the beginning of my third day on this regime, so I feel like I am making progress. YAY! I am eager for my feeling fat feeling to reduce itself. Even though I hadn't gained back all my weight and even though I'd been very active, I was feeling bloated and chubby and my clothes were tight. I'm hoping to alleviate that. Yesterday I went out Mt. Biking and flet really happy and pleased, and young and strong, LOL! Of course, it was only my second day on the regime, so maybe it was all psychological, but hey, that works!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Morning Diet Report

I lost 2.3 pounds after one day of dieting. That's the good news. But I usually lose the most the first day or two. And this diet is not about weight as much as allergies. (But I am honestly hoping to lose some.)

I felt tired and depressed yesterday, especially late in the day. I had a bout of baddish fibromyalgia. I was more worried than normal about every little problem, since the diet is to clear all that if it's caused allergies. My pinched nerve was medium bad. It's related to the fibromyalgia, as the ligaments in the neck tighten and pinch the nerve.

I made one mistake, early on, while in the garden--I forgot I was dieting and ate one small yellow plum tomato--yum--sad to not be able to eat those.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Re: Notes to BB: Thanks for the Sleep!

Note from Pam: "A waste of good time"? Yeeks! What /better/ use of
time can you imagine for us insomniacs, who can, given sleep for a change,
rise, go forth, and consider which wonder to accomplish and amaze
ourselves with?!
May we have many, and repeated such blessed "wastes".
Ah, the bliss.
More! More!

Notes to BB: Thanks for the Sleep!

Dear BB,

Thanks so much for the foot rub, neck stretch and reading session in bed last night. I had the best night's sleep all week. YAY!

It wasn't a perfect night, I woke up at 12:45 and was awake for a while. But then the next time I woke up was 6:30, then 7:30, then 9:30, when I got up. That's much later than I normally sleep but after several totally sleepless nights, I probably needed it.

I hate sleeping late because it seems like a waste of good time, but boy, I was exhausted.

So thank you again! :-D YAY! Sleep, sweet sleep!

Friday, August 22, 2008


I had to perform an onerous chore for BB this AM and it mushroomed
into an "ordeal" (big hassle with permutations.) So I drew this 2" x
2" sketch for him while describing the ordeal that ensued and how it
mushroomed into additional ordeals. (Hassles). It's a tiny sketch and
since he'll probably drop it in the trash, I thought I'd share it with
you, LOL!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

fresh corn on the cob

I used to be able to buy fresh corn on the cob right from the farm
stands. Living in the city makes that harder! But I got some today
and it was pretty good! :-D

Things that hurt my pinched nerve

*throwing peanuts to the squirrels! (huh?)

Monday, August 18, 2008

various updates (the good, the bad and the ugly!)

  • I am unpacking a box.  This is hard to do because the house is so full there is nowhere to put anything.  Unpacking make me sad, for some reason.  (It seems a lot of things makes me sad.)  It's sad unpacking this box because it reminds me of a whole life I sued to have that is gone--my house, my job, my friends, my family.  I have a new life and I like it fairly well, but this doesn't mean I'm not sad about losing the old one, and unpacking these boxes from my old life makes my heart hurt.
  • my foot injury is 97.3% better!  YAY!
  • my fibro and insomnia are both generally improved, with some relapses and flare-ups.  I still have pain every day, but it is somewhat less severe and frequent generally (with some exceptions).
  • my neck/pinched nerve and the associated pain is slowly improving by tiny increments with many relapses into severe pain
  • I feel like I am not making much progress toward my goals.  I'm not doing much writing or sending stuff out lately.
  • Sigh.
  • it's hot
  • I'm lonely for family and friends far away
  • We have so far been unable to solve the too much stuff and lack of space dilemma after many various attempts at it.
  • I am procrastinating writing this because I hate what I'm doing.
  • besides this unpacking and clearing windows, I have a huge list of fairly urgent tasks which is pressing down on my with a horrible weight.  AK! 

  • I did my walking for the day, so I don't have to go out unless I want to.
  • I have food for tonight and know what I am making for dinner--YAY!  (I am making GUMBO!)
  • I managed to succeed at moving piles of boxes away from one window where BB is going to paint, so that's something anyway.
  • I got a couple boxes partly unpacked and may finish one or both or combine them so there is one less box.  That's something, anyway.  Not much, but something.
  • I love my husband.
  • My son is talented musically, and I derive pleasure from his music.
  • He's away for the afternoon and I derive some peace and quiet from his temporary absence.  I appreciate and am grateful for the momentary silence.  Not that I want it all the time--a nice balance is good.
  • school will start soon and I will have longer periods of freedom--maybe.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Bullets of Sadness

I am feeling sad. Or maybe I'm depressed. Or both.
  • I am sad that my vacation is over and I am home. I don't really LIKE it here very much.
  • I miss my friends.
  • I miss my family.
  • I miss my children.
  • I am afraid I may never see my brothers again.
  • I miss my parents. Now that we have buried them, it seems so final.
  • I'm not feeling well.
  • My pinched nerve is still very painful--I was hoping so much that the pain would subside.
  • I'm tired.
  • I had to walk in the neighborhood instead of somewhere fun.
  • (BUT I did see a LOVELY RAINBOW). But I got rained on and it faded before I got home to tell BB about it and show it to him. (The lighting was exquisite--sunset lighting and a brilliant rainbow. A full arc. I had a moment of actual joy when I discovered it.)
  • My feet hurt.
  • I suffer from Hedonic Adaptation. That means sometimes lovely things begin to fail to cheer after a short time.
  • (BUT I DID enjoy seeing my friends and family and visiting the Porcupine mountains earlier! :-D)
  • I think I am suffering from a post vacation let down. After a day of rest I'll probably feel better,
  • (BB is making dinner because I don't feel well--AND HE drove all the way home 7 hours in hard rain--I should be making dinner for HIM!)
  • (I'm grateful he's willing.) (I don't know why I'm so sad.)

Friday, August 01, 2008

foot report

Y'all are waiting with bated breath for the report on my injured foot, I know, so here it is.  The open wound finally scabbed over July 15 (after the injury in June, after staying open for a couple weeks) and the scab fell off a few days ago, leaving a pink scar.  The swelling is probably down 90%.  The pain is much reduced.  I still get5 shooting pains at the injury site sometimes, but they usually only last a minute or two.  There is residual soreness inside with bending, but that is slowly fading, too.  It still hurts, but is much improved.  The pain from the pinched nerve is now much worse than the foot pain--WOW!  That's exciting.

Pinched Nerve

AK!  I have a pinched nerve in my neck caused in part by my fibromyalgia which causes the ligaments to tighten and draw the vertebrae in my neck down tight over the nerve.  This causes pain.  The pain radiates downs my arms to my fingertips and into my chest.  It can be nearly instantly relieved by looking DOWN, but there are many things I cannot do while looking down.  Computing (using the computer), driving, cooking, washing dishes, etc.  Many others.  WALKING hurts.

I had this problem before.

I went to PT and that really helped.  That was in Syracuse.  Before I moved.

They stretched my neck on a machine and taught Keith how to do it manually and gave me a bunch of exercises which I was doing religiously ever day, but while we were on vacation, I didn't do them and it's come back with a vengeance and is worse than ever.  So I am back to doing my exercises.  Keith has stretched my neck a few times, but mostly, he's been lying under the car in panic working on it because we're supposed to be leaving tomorrow but the car is undrivable.  He's at work.  When he gets home, he lies under the car.  :-(  Poor fellow.  :-(

Computering, driving, WALKING and washing dishes and reaching for anything and other daily activities all hurt MY ARMS and CHEST as well as my neck--a lot.  I think it's a LITTLE bit better than it was when I got home from vacation, but not much.  I can't cuddle with BB, either.  WAHN!

I have not been to see the doctor yet.  And unless it's unbearable, will not be going until a return from NY.  I will be away for just over a week from August 2 to August 9 or 10.


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