Monday, October 22, 2007

Dead on the aviary floor

Boss Girl at the museum has called a meeting and I am arguing with her. I have too much to do. I have this huge oppressive weight of tasks, and I haven't done the animal care yet. She insists I must come; I insist I must do my work. The argument gets heated and now I am at the meeting, which is boring and useless and stealing time from what needs to be done. I slip away to the basement to the animal care area. I have been so busy that I haven't made it down here in a long time and things are in a shambles. Three of the rare and precious birds lay dead on the aviary floor. I poke at them gently to be sure they are dead, though a bird on it's side on the ground seems unlikely to be alive. Their bright colors are dimmed and dimming. I pick them up and cradle them in my hands, feeling grief and anger.

As absurd as if seems (and is), I feel like Atlas holding up the sky. And failing, being crushed under the weight of it.

Could this dream—as is—really happen? It could happen, but it unlikely to as dreamed. It is very much like what life at the museum used to be! But, now, in my current life, it is an obvious allegory. And it relates to the elephant dream. I have a continuing perception that I am overwhelmed with too may petty and enormous tasks and I am not doing what is important and that my precious birds (hopes and dreams) are dying.

Some of these tasks (elephants) that are consuming my time include:

Ø Getting the two cell phones back on-line

Ø The issue with the car registration and the threat to suspend my license

Ø Adopting Piano Boy(this is not petty but very overwhelming to me)

Ø The parental estate (this is not petty, but very overwhelming—hopefully soon to be over)

Ø My health issues, insomnia, sleep apnea, brain tumor etc and all the tests and doctoring associated with them.

The dying birds include:

Ø All my unattended novel and book manuscripts from Weeds, to Sissy, to Herpetologist etc

Ø and my poetry manuscripts

Ø and my dreams of being closer to nature

Some of my problems are real, external to myself, and not entirely under my control. Some of them are caused by:

Ø my ADHD, my distractibility (this is real and needs to somehow be dealt with!)

Ø my "low Gemini" tendencies to want to do too much and to take on more than I can handle. I need to say no to others and myself when my plate gets too full.

Ø my procrastination of difficult or overwhelming tasks. I need to plunge in and take small steps.


bluerose9062 said...

I have this reoccuring dream of fish tanks that I have severely neglected. The water's only half full. They haven't been fed in months, and some of the fish are floating on top.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I have that same dream sometimes! AK!

I also have dreams of healthy aquariums where at night, the fish swim out of the water into the air. These are ecstatic dreams! YAY ecstatic dreams.

bluerose9062 said...

Hmm. I don't get ecstatic dreams. Mine are usually disturbing. According to Jung, my conscious and unconscious are dissociated, but I'm working on that ;]

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Of course, the ecstatic dreams are my favorites, but I must admit, I haven't had many lately.


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