Saturday, December 05, 2009
First, I had dizzy spells and was scared. That was Thursday. Friday, rage. And still, Saturday morning in the wee hours--I haven't tried to go to bed becasue I feel filled with rage and fury, anger, RAGE. I can't sleep when I feel this way. And I feel it for no particular good reason. I read an article that rage can be casued by brain damage, and so can dizziness, so now I am wondering if my brain tumor is causing these feelings. I am frightened by all this!
I made a painting. I don't like the painting, but it represents how I feel. There is anger and also a sense of deep sorrow--about what, I can't say--not even to myself--I mean, I don't KNOW.
Could it be something I'm eating? Am I eating too much meat? (I cooked a turkey--but would that make me dizzy?) Too much sugar? I haven't been having much. :-(
Looking at this picture makes me feel very sad. Also guilty for being so angry.
I feel so wretched and tense (tight around my heart) that I hate being inside my own skin.
Click painting to view larger.