complaints and resistance

1)I'm tired of complaining, but I always feel tired and cranky and can't seem to stop complaining.  :-(

2)When I really want to do something, or think I do, and make a commitment to it, I thin no longer want to do it, or part of me doesn't or is resistant or drags its feet.  :-( :-( :-(

--

I didn't trust it for a moment
but I drank it anyway,
the wine of my own poetry.
 
It gave me the daring to take hold
of the darkness and tear it down
and cut it into little pieces.
 
-- Lala, 14th century Persian poet

Mary