Tuesday, September 01, 2009


I JUST had another stupid argument with my husband.  It involved the passing on of hand-me-downs.  MY feeling is that we should pass everything on unless it is broken or ruined in someway.  (Or filthy or ripped etc.) The point we argued about was underwear (and socks). 

I thought we should offer them, assuming they've been washed, since they are from a boy (our son) who at 15 doesn't poop in his pants or anything.  And they are going to our grandchildren, not strangers.  The father is our son's brother.  The mother, our daughter-in-law, can simply throw them out if she doesn't want them--I thought we could offer her that choice.  I wouldn't give them to strangers, most likely.

The fight escalated because I reminded him that he had passed on to me all of his last wife's clothes when she died.  Including her underwear.  He thought that was okay, but not passing Graham's underwear on to Nathaniel, our grandson.  It made me feel that he thought I was not as good as his son's family, that he has a double standard.  I felt hurt and angry and left the dinner table.

Each of us thinks we're right and the other is wrong and he went on to hurt my feelings and say I should go talk to a therapist about it, that he wasn't going to continue the discussion--case closed.  (In other words, I'm crazy, according to him.)

1 comment:

Brigitte said...

I guess your husband is hurt too.
When he gave you his late wife's clothes it was another time and another situation.
I understand your point to be aware enough to hand down 'all' of your son's clothes.
But is this worth an argument and hurting each other?
In my country we can give clothes to charities and maybe you can find one in your area. This people are in need and will sure be glad to have an opportunity to get what ever you can offer.

I don't think he want to send you to a therapist because he thinks you are 'crazy' (even if he uses this words) I am sure he doesn't know how to handle some situations because you are as strong minded as he is :-)
Maybe one of you could be a hero and take a step back from being right or wrong.

I guess you both did marry because you love each other... maybe you can take a step back and see what you love in your relationship and try to clean up the rest.

Man think different from woman and they have in there DNA the 'must' of being the first, strongest, powerful and never lose.
Nobody likes to lose so we woman fight when we think we are right and think they don't understand and this hurts our feelings.
When we do this it will nourish the pain with every day, month, year...
But the good thing is that we can choose if we want to be right or if we want to be happy.
I don't say it is easy but sometimes it is better for our health and relationship to just step back and look for another solution.


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