sleep and fibro

I didn't sleep hardly at all last, almost no sleep.  And it always makes my fibro worse when I don't sleep.

but it's generally been better--somewhat better.  I use a blue light in the morning and 4.5 o 5 mg of melatonin at night.  Plus I avoid dairy and soy.  Not sure which, if any, of those therapies are helping, but I do feel a little better.

Unsolicited Advice

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Unsolicited Advice

I would like to have a discussion about unsolicited advice, both the giving and, particularly, the receiving of it.

I do not like receiving unsolicited advice and I TRY to make it a point NOT to give it.  In some cases, I am even hesitant to give asked for advice. because it is often so unwelcome.

One must advise one's children while they are young. But I would prefer advice between adults to come when requested and to not come at other times, when unrequested and particularly when unwanted, inappropriate, and hurtful.

One of my family members often gives unsolicited advice.  I love and respect him and I respect his expertise and opinion WHEN I WANT help.  However, when I tell him about a problem I am having, and what I want is sympathy, understanding, hugs, he often gives me unsolicited advice instead.  I am being twice frustrated, once by not getting what I need and want and again by getting something unwelcome.

I think he offers unwelcome advice because:

1.     He loves me

2.     He cares about me.

3.     He wants to HELP

However, instead of feeling grateful, I feel

1.     Angry and defensive.

2.     Offended and belittled

a.     I am offended because

                                               i.     I feel as if he is assuming

1.     that he knows more than I do

a.     He DOES know more than I do on certain topics, but he often offers advice on topics where I know as much or more as he does.

2.     that I am too stupid to figure things out and work them out on my own

                                              ii.     I feel as if I am being treated like a young, wayward child

I know that in AA, Al-anon and other twelve-step programs, we are advised NOT to give unsolicited advice.  They say, and I quote, "Unsolicited advice can be seen as a passive-aggressive, condescending way of telling you that they think you're stupid or inferior."  And I have to say, that is exactly how it makes me feel!

How can I respond to it in a way that values and respects my loved one and at the same time, preserves my self-respect, dignity and intellectual capacity? A person could always choose to ask, before giving unsolicited advice, if it were wanted.

There are some exceptions to this rule—sometimes—RARELY—a friend must speak up and be honest in order to help a friend.  Sometimes, even interventions are needed.  But not multiple times in a single day.

"delightful" new diet :-(

I just reached my lowest point of 2011.  :-D

Good news, right?  :-D

I had started the diet shortly after the new year, and had steadily lost weight daily until I reached 9 pounds.  THEN, with no change in the diet, I started GAINING WEIGHT daily!  for 3-4 days!

So what turned things around?  

Remember how I mentioned that when I was in the hospital with ML for her mastectomies, Graham was home sick from school?  I probably failed to mention he barfed in the kitchen sink when Laura Lindow had come for his piano lesson, and I had to clean it up.  Well, he gave me a delightful gift--I've been barfing my brains out for 18 hours.  I can't hold anything down, including water and am getting dehydrated!  :-(

That's probably why I lost weight.  No water (or food) for 18 hours.  As soon as I recover, I'll probably gain it back.  Meanwhile, I am desperately thirsty and afraid to drink anything.  Even a sip sets me off.  And barfing is not my favorite activity.  :-(

I'm pretty much too weak to do anything, either.  I've been in bed all day.

Unlike a snail mail letter, there are no germs attached to this email.

I hope ML doesn't get sick--I was with her almost all day Thursday and some yesterday, and also Graham, the day before he got sick!

Mary

diet report

fat fat grandmother (me) with gorgeous grandson.

• down 4.6 pounds from yesterday, when I had a sudden startling and unexplained surge upward.
• down 2.5 pounds from Sunday (two days ago)
• down 9 pounds from Wednesday.
• down 25.7 pounds from my high point.

Got a ways to go still.

My sleeping, mood, and fibro have all generally improved somewhat since I started the diet.

trouble

I'm having trouble with one of my goals, aka "resolutions," that I
haven't had time to write down yet: finish what I start before moving
on to the next thing. Problem: I haven't had breakfast yet, and
before I eat, I want to do my exercises and yoga. Roadblock: I
started a card for Rosy and a new poem: the first poem of the new
year. I'm so hungry! I've been up since 4 AM, couldn't sleep! Can I
please eat breakfast, even though I haven't finished dealing with the
poem? PLEASE? Pretty please? I've been up for 6 and a half hours
without a scrap of food, and THAT is not good for my diet? What if my
goals conflict with each other? Then what?

I know, I know, first things first, right? So wait, how do I KNOW
what the first thing IS?

Happy Birthday

I used one of the images from my new children's book (in progress) to
make a birthday card for my niece.

report on diet-day one

I started my diet yesterday, after finishing off the holiday food the day before.  I'm in phase 1 of the diet, and I completed the day entirely successfully.  This morning, I weighed 1.5 pounds less than yesterday morning.  I know daily weight fluctuates and will probably soon switch to weekly weigh-ins, but for the first week or so, I'll probably weigh daily.

I woke up this morning after a weird dream at 4 AM and never went back to sleep.  I found when I was dieting last year, that I slept somewhat better in general when I stuck closely to my diet.  I hope that proves to be the case again this year. Both my sleeping and my fibromyalgia are somewhat improved in general, but with lots of flare-ups, still.  Hope all is well with your progress on your goals as well!!

I am a little worried about BB (K), as he seems to be more and more tired all the time. 

snow

Thick fluffy flakes of snow drift and float randomly back and forth, undisturbed by the faintest breath of breeze.  The street looks like a scene from Currier and Ives, the perfect Christmas card.  Slowly, the wind pick up and the snow thickens further--the flakes slanting now, the storm starting in earnest.  It's still lovely, but it isn't Christmas any more.  And I prefer clean dry sidewalks to walk on and clean dry roads to drive on.  Yeah, I know, it's winter, what did I expect?

new diet etc

I just checked and I weigh 9 pounds less than I did a year ago and 19 pounds less than my high point but 26 pounds above my low points in July and August 2010!  :-(  My diet went to hell at Uncle Bob's funeral and I never got back on track.  :-(

I intend to start dieting tomorrow. I also intend to add stair climbing very gradually to my regular walking routing, and hopefully start jogging again, lightly.  I have to wait until I've lost some weight to jog seriously.  I think I will order a pedomenter.