Delays and true confessions

Well, it's after noon and I haven't left yet for the long drive to NY.  I made a huge mistake and tried to transfer files to the hard drive and of course it is taking way longer than I thought and I am going to have to cancel it unfinished which will make file management very confusing later, but if I want to leave I have no choice.  I never should have started it.  I should have started it days ago or been doing it all along.  WAHN!

I wanted to get all packed and ready yesterday, but yesterday I was too sick.  I got some of it done, but not very much.  I thought I had the car all packed and then realized I haven't packed the computers and gear and not only that, I can't pack them at least until I stop the file transfers.      I need to transfers the files for several reasons, so they will be portable and so they will be backed up and to free space on Blue's C drive.  But NOT the day I am trying to leave.

There've been a bunch of other delays--I posted that same picture to BP this morning that misposted yesterday and I read at breakfast (as I always do when I'm alone) and got sucked in and read longer than I should have.  I'm reading Psion.  More on that later.  Suffice it to say that I am liking it.

Pears with Stilton

Pears with Stilton, by Mary Stebbins Taitt. See alternate version at Imagik. 

Graham and Andrew on the dunes

Another version of Graham and Andrew on the dunes, posted in several other versions. 

Insomnia Again!

I had insomnia again last night.  It was accompanied by restlessness (restless mind and body), tossing, overheatedness, itchy-crawly skin, tension and tightness of muscles.  I was tired but not sleepy, I wanted to sleep, but couldn't.  I was not the worst insomnia.  Maybe a 7.5.  I never got up in the night, and I did sleep some, but I was restless, agitated, overly hot, itchy and crawly and uncomfortable.

This is what I ate yesterday:  oatmeal, bran, raisins, rice milk, cheerios, fresh wild-caught tuna, lemon, white wine, ginger (quite a bit of it), yellow squash, broccoli, shiitake mushrooms, portabella mushrooms, salt, pepper, whole wheat pastry flour, canola oil, olive oil, garlic and parsley.  Most of those items are foods I've eaten without difficulty.  I have suspected ginger before.  I've also suspected cheerios, but there is nothing listed in the ingredients that should cause a problem.  Another possibility is the wine.  Or what?  I also was not upset any more than usual.  I did walk later than usual.  And faster than usual.  But what?  What's the difference?  Why do I sleep better some nights and worse others?  None of the possible causes seem to be consistent.  :-(

I wish I could just sleep.  Not getting enough sleep deprives me of the energy I need to do things and worsens the fibromyalgia!

Suspects:  ginger, cheerios, wine, late walk.

Backpacking, 9/20/93 & 9/11/93

From my handwritten journal: I just had a "revelation" that I don't really like backpacking except as a tool to spend more time in the mountains and woods.

from 9/11/93 (Hiking alone on the Colorado Trail): I forgot to mention how very happy, serene and peaceful I felt up on the mountain last night before I got too tired. There was nowhere in the world I would rather have been last night than there.

Insomnia

Eyes wide open all night! :-(



(see more pix at Imagik) 

INSOMNIA!

Last night, I had pretty bad insomnia, and I don't know why.  What causes it?

The only thing that I ate differently yesterday from the day before was lamb.  I find it difficult to believe that lamb is the cause of insomnia because I think I have insomnia more often that I have lamb.  Could it be a threshold, and I ate too much of something?

I was no more upset yesterday than the day before, I don't think, in fact, I was probably more upset the night before after just having read about Erin's health problem.  I am upset by the piles of boxes waiting to be unpacked and the dearth of places to put the contents, but that is nothing new.

If it's not food and it's not upset, then what is it?  What is different from one night to the next that causes me to lie awake?

Headed for New York

I'm headed for New York today, and then a few days later, to Pennsylvania.  I have two poetry readings and a new art show.  It will be a while before I am able to leave, as I've been so busy preparing for the poetry reading and art show that I haven't packed yet.  In fact, I just went down and started a load of laundry that contains things I want to take.  I mean to do that yesterday but got deeply involved with a poem that wouldn't let me go.  Now it turns out that the reading is a little too long.  I timed it last night, and I probably will have to leave off that poem that took so long yesterday.  Not that the work will be lost (I hope), but it could have been done at a more auspicious time, I guess.  I didn't know that, though, at the time I was working on it.

I spent some time this morning with Graham, since I won't be seeing him for a while.  He's grown so much I can't believe it.  So tall, so much more mature, and yet, still so young, so very young.  And yesterday, I spent some special time with Keith, since I won't see him for a while either.  Sweet time.  Loving time.  Time not spent packing, but better, more wisely spent.  This morning his alarm went off at 4:23 and I scratched his back for him, sleepily.  He squeezed my hand goodbye and left.  He has to be at work at 6 AM. 

another fibro blogger

http://www.perfectiononacurve.com/fibro.html

 

this is the link to the fibro related section, but you can then hop to her regular blog from there.

Things You Can't (Or shouldn't) Talk or Complain About

1. Chronic Pain and health problems.  Everyone gets bored with it.  No matter how much it hurts.  They come to you with a hangnail or a sliver, but don't want to hear about the much worse pain you have.  And how it still hurts, weeks, months, years later.  Not that I blame them for that. 
   
2. IBS, constipation, etc.  Yetch!
3. Female problems (or male problems, if you're a guy).  Too private, and then there's the yetch factor.
   
4. How busy you are.  Even if you think you're busier, they're probably busy, too.  Or, if they're not, they're resentful that you are (I've really had this happen)
5. Hangnails (who cares?)(OK, so they do hurt sometimes.  So what?)
6. Your affair. I suppose it's juicy gossip, but I find it upsetting--AK!  OK, OK, you can tell me.  But I might tell just one person who might tell one other.  Etc.
7. Family secrets.  (Someone in the family might find out what you said.)
   

There are lots more.  I actually believe, however, that with the right person, you should be able to talk honestly and openly about anything.  And some family secrets should definitely be shared.  Like abuse.