Sometimes I have endless dreams of walking forever through a twilit scene. I go on and on and on and nothing changes. But I can't have endless dreams when I don't sleep.
This photograph was today at Belle Isle. The woodland trail we were following came out near the old abandoned zoo. We turned around shortly after this and went back into the woods. (Keith took this--click on it to see it larger.)
I am awake. I am awake and up and out of bed because I lay awake for hours and could not sleep. It is after 2:30 AM and I have not slept at all, not one single wink. I took Rozerem (I think Dr. Guyer pronounced it roh-ZAIR-um) before I went to bed. About half an hour before, as instructed. And I felt sleepy, but I felt just as sleepy before I took it.
When I lay down, I woke up. (This is fairly common for me). I felt tired, but not really sleepy. A couple times, I felt as if I were drifting to sleep, but I did not sleep, and was roused again to full wakefulness. I got bored and restless and itchy. I had to get up. It is boring to lie awake hour after hour in the dark listening to your husbamd sleep while you cannot. Sometimes, I'm relaxed anough to just lie there and rest, but often I get jittery and have to get up and move. The Rozerem does NOT seem to help. In the time since I've been taking it, occasionally, it does seem to help--last night for example--I felt restless when I went to bed. I was thinking I will never get to sleep. Suddenly, I felt sleepy, and fell immediately to sleep. Later, I woke up and could not sleep. But at least I slept for a while. And when I did wake up, I was at least relaxed enough to stay in bed and rest.
OK, so here is my question: Now what? What do I do tonight? Do I just stay up? Can I take another Rozerem and try again, or is that dangerous? Can I take an Ambien? Or can that not be mixed with Rozerem? Can I take a Tylenol PM? Or do I just write off this night?
Tomorrow is a holiday. Keith and Graham are home from work and school. If I don't sleep at all, I will be a basket case. I will be cranky and grouchy and unable to enjoy their company and will probably ruin their day as well as my own.
Here's my next question: What caused this? What causes my insomnia? Is it something I eat? Was it the apple pie? Too much carbohydrates? I had gumbo for dinner, and I have eaten that without a problem before, but this was beef gumbo rather than chicken gumbo? Was it the beef?
I would like, rather than attempt to medicate the problem, to find out what causes it, and see if that cause can be changed (allergist, diet?).
(Project 365. Does a post about insomnia count? Is that writing? I am not sure I want to commit to writing, posting, drawing, painting, photographing or anything else every single day. Because which of those do I do each day? And why would blogging take precedence over living? Would I blog a writing piece, a photo piece and an art piece each day? Phew! I'd have no time left? Any ONE of my creative endeavors? Or what? Confusing. And would I be resentful and not want to do it at all if I thought I had to do it every day?)