Monday, January 01, 2007

Obtuse Angel

I was sick all day. Bad fibro, lots of pain, exhaustion, chill. We went for a walk at Detroit Metrobeach. It was dark and windy and chilly. I was chilled. I'd already been chilled, and the walking did not warm me up as it usually does.

Keith was an angel all day, loving and attentive and sweet. Made me feel guilty for being so angry with him last night.

After all, how important is it?

One of my many problems is that I am a poet. I see things as symbolic. I wanted that moment that we turned into the new year to be special. To be love. To be us. To stand for what I wanted to new year to be like: LOVE.

But every moment is turning us into a new year. And he gave me lots of loving all night and all day. If that one moment was ruined, the rest were certainly sweet.

He's the angel.

Maybe I'm the one who's obtuse. I'm certainly no angel! Posted by Picasa


Autumn said...

as a writer and having a good friend who's an artist, we often have huge issues struggling over this need to "symbolize" everything.

I'm learning, struggling at times, to let go of that... it's very hard though when you think that way for so long.

Happy New Year to you and I hope you feel better soon.

BerryBird said...

I'm glad Keith is so sweet to you when you are sick. From what I've seen, he really does dote on you. But you can't expect him or any other non-poets to read your mind on the symbolism stuff. Many of us are utterly clueless on that wavelength. I'm sure if Keith had any idea how important the moment was to you, he would have proceeded differently. Maybe you are obtuse :)

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Thanks so much Autumn and Sara!

I prolly am really obtuse, but for some reason, stuff like that seems to iportnat to me.

I really have to work hard at letting go, and usually after the fact. I feel abandoned and devastated when "people," especially love partners, or close friends and family, don't understand.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I actually thought people--someone anyway--would come to my defense because they'd be on the same wavelength as e--and think that Keith was a bit of a clod in that respect. But I guess I'm the clod.

BerryBird said...

I thought Autumn's comment was very sympathetic to your plight (more so than mine). But I am not an artist or poet or writer. I'm sort of dense in that regard. I always hated English class, dissecting books looking for the hidden symbolism. Maybe I'm the clod.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Yes, she was sympatheitc, very kind of her!

I was still feeling bummed out and also feeling like no one understood, but Autumn was gentle.

I don't think symbolis should be "HIDDEN."

But then again, I think it is very obvious that whatever you are doing as the new year begins is symbolic of your hopes and dreams for the year--or the way the year might turn out--not so hopeful. It seems obvious to ME. But maybe it isn't obvious. ANd maybe other people don't see things the way I do. I want to arrange the universe in such a way that it suppports love. But I can't do that by getting angry becase someoen else's ideas are different than mine.

Keith is making dinner tonight.


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