It makes me happy to have something of mine or Grammy's or Grandpa's or Aunty Ann's used. When Second Daughter sends a picture of herself with something that belonged to my mother, I get a little shot of pleasure and endorphins. I need those little pleasures because I am feeling very sad and low right now.
We left a whole houseful of Aunty Ann’s stuff behind--makes me sad. She wanted me to have it but I already have way too much, and not enough (wrong stuff, LOL). Still, the few things I did take bring me great pleasure. I remember our good times together singing around her piano and I am so glad that First Daughter and Guitar Boy have the piano.
When I throw things away, it makes me sad. A great heaviness comes over me and there's been so much of it lately and more to come. Now, with Mom gone, we have her whole house to clean, her stuff and Pa’s too. I know it has to be done, but it's a physical pain. Literally.
There's a little delight in even a momentary use of something that belonged to one of those who have passed, or something of mine I can no longer use because I’ve gained too much weight or because we have duplicates. Notice me pulling up the sides of my mouth, see, I’m smiling now. SMILING. now.
(me, coming back fromt he doctor's on the day after my Mom died, in front of my "new" house.)