I don't want to die. I know we all have to die sometime, but I would rather it be later than sooner.
I've got allergies, tonight, or a cold, or both. It's often hard for me to tell the difference. My nose is clogged, and I can't breathe. At all. Not through my nose.
I took an antihistamine, but it only helped for a little while. Meanwhile, I got the Sahara Desert sirocco in my nostrils and sinuses. Ouch—hot winds! Horrible. It really hurt. Ok, you're saying, you're ridiculous. Maybe I am. I seem to be overly sensitive about everything relative to other people. But that didn't take away the pain as I experienced it.
Then the congestion returned, all of it. I can't get a breath of air through my nostrils.
If I can't breathe through my nose, I can't wear my CPAP. If I can't wear my CPAP, I can't sleep. My doctor says, never sleep without the CPAP, you could die. I don't want to die. I think I said that. I must admit, though, that I was so tired, I tried sleeping anyway. I slept for just under two hours from 10:35 or so until 12:30. It's 3:25 AM and I've been up ever since. I can't sleep.
I have sleep apnea, and my throat closes up when I sleep. The soft tissues relax and close the air passage. My body is literally smothering itself. Usually, I wake up in a panic gasping for air. But, the doctor says, sometime, I might just not wake up. I might die instead. People do. I don't want to die.
It might help if I could lose weight, but sleep apnea causes weight gain and I can't seem to lose weight. It might not help anyway, but I'd like to give it a try.
Meanwhile, I can't sleep, so I am sitting up. But I might go lie down. Try again. I'm so very tired.
Meanwhile, I am charging my camera battery so I can download the pix from our trip to Gail's. That will take a couple hours. I sure don't want to sit and wait for it.
I am certain of nothing but the Heart's affections and the truth of the Imagination- John Keats