A pear and two apples

this is part of a series. 

Christmas Card Outtake

MERRY CHRISTMAS from US! 

Feeling Continental Again :-)

I walk 45 minutes a day because of my fibromyalgia—it helps ameliorate the symptoms somewhat. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes very hard. Sometimes impossible. Then I walk less. Or, worse yet, not at all, which starts a downward spiral.

Last night, we divided the duties. Keith often walks with me, but he went grocery and gift shopping while I walked and wrapped. The gifts I had ordered for him were out of stock and I had nothing at all for him. Zilch! I also had nothing for my Mom. It was raining. I put on my raincoat, hat and backpack and walked to the Village Market where I got candy for my mother—just a small little bag of it. (I’d like to get my Mom a blouse or a sweatsuit. I finally decided that that would be the best thing. New clothes are something she still gets pleasure from and something she can use. But time is running out. And I have to have something.) I also got candy for Keith. At least he’ll have something to open.

Then I walked a couple blocks down Mack to Mr. C’s where I got some whiskey for Keith. He’s been asking for it. I’d rather not buy him whiskey, but since my other gifts fell through, I figured I’d better have something on hand to put under the tree. I also got a small gift for Erwin. The things I got were heavy and really weighed down my backpack so it hung hard on my shoulders. I felt as if it would sever the arms from the neck. But I kept walking.

I still had a half hour to walk and it was dark and rainy and lonely. My fibro flared, my shoulders hurt (a lot!), but I just kept trudging. More and more slowly. I wanted to hurry, but I couldn’t because I was too stiff and sore. I was sad—to be in pain—but happy, because now I at least had a little something for everyone on my list—no one at least in my immediate family will be empty-handed. Phew! Relief and pleasure, happiness and joy. YAY! And I did it all on foot, even with my fibro! (Boy, there’s a lot of stress connected with Christmas! Glad to release a little of it! Yippee! Earlier, Keith and I had gone out to Connie’s and finally gotten some of the things we’d searched and searched for the day before without any luck. They were gifts for granddaughter Rachel. YAY! All in all a much more successful day.)

I wanted to hurry because I wanted to beat Keith home (he was out in the car.) I didn’t want him to see me carrying the heavy, heavy bag and suspect me of walking to Mr. C’s and getting him whiskey. I wanted it to be a surprise. And I did beat him home. I left the whisky in the backpack in its normal place (where he was unlikely to notice or think anything of it) and now that he is at work, I’m going to go down and get it and wrap it and hide it. (However, he saw the gift I got Erwin, so he may suspect me of having gone to Mr. C’s anyway, DUH, I should have hidden that, too!)

I still have cards to make—Christmas cards to mail and gift cards if I don’t run out of time and a sweatsuit to buy for my Mom and gifts to wrap but I feel a lot better.

Christmas wouldn't be so difficult if I didn't make much of what I give. I made not only the cards, but also the wrapping paper. It takes a long time and it is becoming evident that I will not get them done in time. So don't expect cards from me this year!!!

Shopping in stores has been even less satisfactory! However, the crowds were not nearly as bad this year as last--Detroit economy? Major auto layoffs? 

A note to Sara

Christmas brings out the curmudgeonliness is many of us, I'm afraid.  Last night we shopped and shopped and shopped and found NOTHING we were looking for and came home empty handed! 

I got a message from New World Records that the esoteric records I'd ordered for Keith were out of stock--a week after I ordered them.  And too late to order more somewhere else.  Or anything else.

Christmas MAKES one curmudgeonly!  Only the highest of the high rise above it.

A Note to DisFib

I sleep with my legs out from under the covers on ever the coldest nights. And worse yet, for a restful sleep, I get my whole self in and out of the covers many times during the night. During the day, I take my outer shirt on and off multiple times, but at least I don't have to wake myself up to do it! LOL! (Wahn!)

My fibro is changing my life. Walking and hiking and backpacking and snowshoeing and cross-country skiing used to be among my favorite things to do--so am I still me if I can't do what I loved to do. Yes. I'm me, but a slightly different version of me.

"Sidewalk Art"

As I was walking back from the doctor, I stopped to take this picture. When the cement of poured for the concrete sidewalk, a leaf got caught in it, resulting in this imprint or "fossil."
I'm working on a series of these and hope to publish them at some point. This one is a silver maple, I think.

It isn't really sidewalk "art," unless you call it "found art," and I would like another name for the series. 

Feeling a Little bit “Continental"

I was out of meds for three weeks and I couldn’t get a 90-day prescription from my old doctor in NY and I couldn’t get a local appointment “until January at the earliest.” But I did finally get one, with Dr. Muna Beeai (BAY-ee). She’s located at 131 Kerchival. She came highly recommended.

I walked there this morning. It took me twenty minutes to walk from the house to the doctor’s. As soon as I got there, they processed me and took me in. The doctor was very nice and intelligent and caring and sympathetic. Great chair-side manners. I really liked her.

I was given multiple blood tests and the nurse only pricked me once. Ouch, but many do it multiple times because I have “bad veins.” It was a treat to have a competent phlebotomist. And they gave me some sample Lipitor to tide me over until I receive my new meds which I still have to order from Medco. I’m a little concerned about the Lipitor, since I was on Lescol before. I worry about changing drugs because I’ve had a lot of bad drug reactions. She did not have any sample Synthroid.

She recommended that I see a therapist for my ADHD and got me an appointment for January 4th. I worry that they will just want to medicate me, but I will wait and see. And she wants me to see an allergist for skin testing for food sensitivities. I have to call to make that appointment.

I walked back from the doctor's. It was an amazingly beautiful pleasant day, 42 degrees, still unmelted frost and ice, but sunny and fresh. Then I walked to the Village Market, shopped for today and tomorrow and carried my food home in a backpack. That’s what makes me feel a little continental, walking to the doctor, walking to the market. It pleases me. I could also walk to the P&C from my house in Kimbrook, but it was farther and not a small local market.

(I went on-line to Medco, but my Prescriptions haven’t shown up yet. I don’t know how long it takes.)

I love this beautiful warm sunny weather, but I worry about the polar bears and penguins!

In an outdoor Christmas Ornament

This is me with my new camera, Giovanna, in the First Light series. The picture was taken at the corner closest to our house (only a few houses away. But, across the street))

Fibro Yeses, NOs and Maybes

Things that help my Fibro:
Ø Lots of good healthy relaxing SLEEP
Ø Relaxation
Ø Massage
Ø Appropriate exercise
Ø Healthy food
Ø Stretching
Ø Laughter
Ø Fun
Ø Happiness
Ø Being held and touched and loved
Ø Enjoyable productive engagement (e.g.: art, writing, photography, visiting, friendship, social causes)

Things that Hurt my Fibro
Ø Insomnia or lack of sleep or bad sleep. This is an issue for me because the fibromyalgia triggers seem to cause or exacerbate the insomnia!
Ø Certain foods (for sure absolutely!): soy, dairy, chocolate, coffee
Ø Stress, anger, frustration
Ø too much or too little exercise

Possible beneficial affects:
Ø I read that eating meals where the proportion of protein is greater than carbohydrates can help fibro. If this is true, I should feel better on omelette days than on oatmeal days. Unless I put something bad in the omelette. I had oatmeal this morning, so I need to pay attention. I have noticed that sugar and refined carbs make my vision blurry and have other negative affects. Last night I had mango sorbet and lay awake with night sweats much of the night. Dunno if it was the mango sorbet, though, or something else.

Possible problems or triggers for my fibromyalgia:
Ø Nuts, beans and legumes, apples, onions, citrus
Ø As suggested by Autumn: green peppers, beef and red meats

Two down, 493,528 to go

YAY, I finally completed one more thing on my to-do list (and one on Keith's but that doesn't cross one off mine).

Better and worse

I was feeling more or less OK (I'm never really 100% any more), but after breakfast, I had a bad fibro flare-up--something I ate?  After I showered, I felt a little better again.  Not great, but the flare-up subsided somewhat.  I still feel achy and stiff. 

One of the things that really bothers me is standing.  Museums are ultra bad.  I took some Tylenol, which the doctor recommended for pain, BEFORE going to the museum, the DIA, on Saturday, but my flare-up with still terribly terribly painful.  I wonder if the Tylenol didn't work, or if it would have been even worse without it.  Horrors.  I hate to even imagine that.  I do know things can always get worse!

Things I should do today!

I saw a version of this on Autumn's blog and thought it looked appropriate for me.  LOL!

Things I should do today!

1)call doctors.  I need a new doctor, I am out of meds (for two weeks now!) and out of prescriptions and my old doctor is more than 400 miles away and no longer wants write scripts for me.
2)get my name changed and half my ID has my old name and half my new name and when I go to sign a credit card, I have to figure out which name to use. 
3)do some banking.  I've been using Keith's credit card for my purchases and need to get him some money to pay him back!
4)wrap presents
5)shop
6)laundry (two baskets overflowingly full
7)unpack and make a space for the Christmas tree

What I will probably do:

1)find new and silly ways to waste time and be distracted (I have ADHD!)
2)file management (important, but why do I always start some long term project just when I have something more urgent to do?)
3)print Christmas letters (because I started that)
4)cook something yummy (there's always an excuse to cook--it's called dinner!  LOL!)(But I don't need to eat a lot!)
5)Think about peace, wish for peace, and maybe do art for peace
6)pray for relief from my pain  (having a fibro flare)
7)procrastinate

--
I am certain of nothing but the Heart's affections and the truth of the Imagination- John Keats
Mary

Things I should do today

I saw a version of this on Autumn's blog and thought it looked appropriate for me. LOL!

Things I should do today!

1)call doctors. I need a new doctor, I am out of meds (for two weeks now!) and out of prescriptions and my old doctor is more than 400 miles away and no longer wants write scripts for me.

2)get my name changed and half my ID has my old name and half my new name and when I go to sign a credit card, I have to figure out which name to use.

3)do some banking. I've been using Keith's credit card for my purchases and need to get him some money to pay him back!

4)wrap presents

5)shop

6)laundry (two baskets overflowingly full

7)unpack and make a space for the Christmas tree


What I will probably do:

1)find new and silly ways to waste time and be distracted (I have ADHD!)

2)file management (important, but why do I always start some long term project just when I have something more urgent to do?)

3)print Christmas letters (because I started that)

4)cook something yummy (there's always an excuse to cook--it's called dinner! LOL!)(But I don't need to eat a lot!)

5)Think about peace, wish for peace, and maybe do art for peace

6)pray for relief from my pain (having a fibro flare)

7)procrastinate


This is the third time I tried to post this, I hope it goes this time or I will have to give up. It wasn't that important to begin with. It was supposed to be sort of funny, if somewhat true, but it has completely lost any humor for me. I not only have other things to do, but it is getting late.

Sorry about the sensor spots, I don't have time to fix them. The picture is a sun dog. 

Fibro haze

Pain makes a haze and the fibro causes short term memory loss. Sometimes the world gets out of focus and hard to handle.

I was feeling more or less OK when I got up this morning, (I'm never really 100% any more), but after breakfast, I had a bad fibro flare-up--something I ate? After I showered, I felt a little better again. Not great, but the flare-up subsided somewhat. I still feel achy and stiff.

One of the things that really bothers me is standing. Museums are ultra bad. On Saturday, I took some Tylenol, which the doctor recommended for pain, BEFORE going to the museum, the DIA, but my flare-up with still terribly terribly painful. I wonder if the Tylenol didn't work, or if it would have been even worse without it. Horrors. I hate to even imagine that. I do know things can always get worse!

I have a book that lists foods that can cause fibro flare-ups in some people. The book is prolly packed in some box. But I do remember that onions are fairly high on the list. The list goes from foods most likely to case flare-ups to foods less likely but still responsible for flare-ups in some people. And I unthinkingly bought some green onions Friday and have put them in everything I ate since then for 5 days. Including my omelette this morning and supper tonight. AND I've been having multiple flare-ups and lots of pain and IBS and other annoying symptoms MUCH worse than usual. Could it be the onions?

It doesn't help when blogger isn't working and doesn't post my posts, multiple times. It's not that the posts themselves are important, but the frustration of doing something, espcially something minor that should be easy, over and over is very upsetting. It's frsutrating and I hate to say this, but it makes my fibro worse!

I posted about 5 posts to this blog today and only one of them posted. This is now about the 6th or 7th time I've tried to post this and it is seeming like it's not worth it with everything else I have to do. This is one of three posts that did not post when I originally posted them, so now they are all out of order and I cannot afford the time right now to fix them.

morning flare-up

I am still worrying about my morning flare-up, which is still with me, only not as bad as earlier. Since I do not usually have a flare-up after breakfast, I am suspicious of the things I do not usually eat: I had a slice of toasted multigrain bread with rosehip jam. That is not something I normally eat during the week. Could one or both of those have caused the problem--or something else?

Abstract Lines in Siennas and Heathers etc with Ball Chains

I went to the DIA today with Keith and Gail and had a terrible painful attack of Fibromyalgia that rendered parts of the visit nearly unbearable.

See us at the DIA.

See us "thinking" at the DIA. 

Leaves in Autumn Pattern

Leaves in Autumn Pattern, by Mary Stebbins Taitt

There is a melancholy that comes with autumn. 

Not any port in a storm

I'm so glad to be HOME, and glad that THIS house and this family feels good to me, feels more and more like home. The Kimbrook house no longer feels like home, and that feels sad. Happy and sad and all mixed up. Happy and hopeful for Erin, but a sense of bereavement for me. But this sadness is balanced by a growing sense of love and belonging for this house and home and family! I'm not settled here yet, by any means, lots of boxes still to unpack. But I'm here, I'm home and I'm happy to be here.

I miss my friends and family in NY, AND I love my new friends and new family. It's confusing and difficult sometimes. I wish I didn't have to leave loved ones behind. At the same time, my new life feels more and more happy and settled.

I've just returned from a long grueling drive, from a brief time in NY, too short a visit for the amount of driving involved. Tonight is Dale's birthday and then Graham's piano recital. Sometimes I wish I could be in two places at once. And I'm happy happy happy to be here.

(The picture is the lighthouse at Mackinac Island--representing any port in a storm. (NOT!))