"Morning Pages"

I haven't been doing my "Morning Pages" in a long time, so I started today, but the are more technical and organizational than creative. I guess that's what's on my mind at the moment:

Tuesday, October 17, 2006; 7:59 AM Rain. Darkness and rain. Early morning, not that early, really, but it seems early because it's dark. I used to live near the leading edge of the time zone and now I live near the trailing edge so the sunrise is nearly and hour later here.

8:08 AM Graham just left for school. I went down to tell him goodbye. In spite of the rain and cold, he went out in his T-shirt. He's gotten too cool to wear a raincoat. Cowardly, actually. He doesn't want to take any guff from his friends.

Last night, Keith and I were discussing the things I needed to do, now that I have finally arrived. I need to unpack 198 boxes and bags. I've done two, and some bags. So maybe now actually 195 or 196. I haven't counted them again. I have to prepare for the upcoming readings in Syracuse and in PA. I have to change my name and address everywhere: bank accounts, credit cards, mail going to 8400. I have to get new doctors and a lot of them, and I have to do that soon before I run out of prescriptions.

Then Keith reminded me that I also have to get a new driver's license and registration. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was already feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to spend every second of my time dorking around with that sort of bullshit, I said. And he said I had to do it within ten days of moving here. Then I really got mad and we ended up having a fight. I guess I was feeling too overwhelmed and he was feeling that I didn't really want to be here with him or I'd hop on it. We both got angry and defensive. I don't want to fight with him, I want to be loving.

Luckily, the fight did not blossom into a huge deal. When we got back, he started working on installing the speakers from Kimbrook on my Detroit computer and we had to speak civilly to each other in order to accomplish that. Graham started his practicing and I went down to listen and lay on the floor because I was feeling very tired—too tired to sit up in a chair. Keith came down and lay on the floor behind me, spooning. It was very comforting and would have been wonderful except that my fibromyalgia was acting up and I had to keep turning over and then his shoulder hurt. The floor gets mighty hard in 45 minutes. Guess we are getting old.

Then, we went upstairs and Keith read to us from Anne McCaffrey's Dragonsong. Chapter 8. I'd read the first seven chapters alound in the car driving to and from Gail's. We were caught in some huge traffic mess and it took us an hour to go 5 miles and twice as long as normal (3 hours!) to get home. We're really enjoying it. It's been a long time for me and I've forgotten a lot of the details.

He prefers to ride his motorcycle, but he took the car today because of the rain. He's working 10-hour days and I don't sleep well because of my insomnia, so we are both a little on edge. My fibromyalgia is much worse since I've been here, but we've eaten out three times and there is no healthy food in the fridge for me—all my special foods got left behind in NY. Until I can shop and get what I need to be healthy, my health will be declining and I'll probably get crabbier and fight more with Keith. He doesn't seem to understand this connection.

I have been trying to decide what creative projects to do first. I would like to begin with Frog Haven, again, after the manuscript corrections were eaten in the death of the computer hard drive in Dead. So that will be my first BIG project. But meanwhile, I have to prepare for those two poetry readings and I have to finish Silk Creek Review II. I want to make a work schedule for myself that allows for these things to fit together with the other things I need to accomplish, family time, preparing and eating meals, laundry etc. I would like to dedicate 1.5-2 hours a day (or more), weekdays, anyway, to Frog Haven until I finish it. I would like to also work out a walking schedule so that I don't always have to walk at night around the streets of the city. With Keith working 6 days a week until dark, if I always wait for him, I will always have to walk at night. It's not just a selfish thing, because if he works that much and then walks 45-minutes to an hour with me, he has very little time to himself to work on his projects. AK. The whole thing makes me tired. I want to go back to bed. Actually, the problem is, I did not sleep well last night and haven't slept well in a while, so I am tired to begin with and that makes everything I want to do seem more difficult.

I am going to start by doing my sit-ups, and having breakfast. At some point, I want to walk to the store. I need to shower before 3 PM and have dinner ready by 5. Graham has his piano lesson tonight at 6. Or so Keith thinks, anyway. Graham thinks it's at 5:30. I need to know that before I make dinner! I was going to make meatloaf and that takes a while to cook, so a mistake in the schedule could throw everything off. I guess I'd better go find out what time the lesson is.

Task list:
Ø Find out what time Graham's lesson is
Ø Locate the Frog Haven manuscript
Ø Locate the poems for the readings
Ø Make a tentative schedule
Ø print the poems
Ø read the manuscript and mark it up
Ø write to Pam about directions
Ø unpack a box

I also want to write down my dreams, as I have been having quite a few lately. Including some disturbing ones.