Touch

I was in bed almost 11 hours in order to get maybe 2 and half hours of sleep. 

Last night, after dinner, I had a terrible attack of fibromyalgia, the worst one in a long time.  My neck and shoulders were almost unbearably painful (I say almost unbearably painful because I did bear it—what choice did I have?).  I asked Keith to rub them and he did—it helped a little.  It did help.

I don't know what caused the fibro attack.  I have no idea what brought it on.  My guess is that I inadvertently ate something I'm allergic to.

Keith suggested a whole body rub, but I said no because I was working on something urgent and critical that I needed to finish.

A little while later, he wanted to go to bed, early, and asked me to come and have a rub.  At that point, even though I had more to do, I agreed.  That was a little after ten.  He gave me a full massage.  I had to tell him to let off a little at first, because it hurt so very much.  Usually I like a firm massage.  He built up to a little more.  When he quit, I asked him to do my shoulders one more time because they still hurt so much.  Then he rubbed my body gently, effleurage, caresses.  I felt much better, better but not well.  I was more relaxed and the pain and tension had subsided somewhat.  But I lay awake all night long.  I was still awake when he got up at 4:23 to go to work.  And I was still awake at 6:00 and at 6:23. 

I twisted and turned like a rotisserie.  The ligaments kept tightening and hurting worse and I had to move to stretch them.  Whatever side was down itched, and I had to turn to scratch it.  I probably kept Keith awake, or at least prevented him from sleeping well.  I was still better than some nights where I was so agitated I had to get up.  At least I lay in bed and got some rest of sorts.

All night I had watched the clock, 3:00, 3:07, 3:12, 3:17, etc.  I'd close my eyes, try to sleep, lay there for what seemed like a long time, and 5 minutes would have passed.  Finally, some time after 6:23, I dozed restlessly.  I got up at 9.  That's at least two hours of my day lost, to say nothing of my night.  I feel guilty to lose part of my day.  But if I didn't sleep for those two hours, I wouldn't have slept at all.

Everything hurts.  My body feels like a giant bruise.  Any move brings more pain.  It isn't quite as bad as it was last night.  The touch helped quite a bit.  But I need more of it, and Keith is at work, and I'm in a lot of pain.  Oh for some touch and a little relief.